More Kids humor (was Re: Parents talk)

[Avery Todd]

Michel,

   Well, maybe we have, but this is the time of year to do it, don't you
think? Anyway, I'm enjoying it and to continue this thread one more time,
below is something I saw last year. At least it's music related. :-) Enjoy.


Avery

>Parents talk are sometimes just as funny.

big snip:

>Have we got far enough from piano tuning?
>
>Michel Lachance, RPT
>Fleurimont, Canada

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>From a two-semester course in piano literature taught at West Virginia
University. Some of the more memorable answers to essay exams included:

"Prokofiev often writes in a 6/8 perpetual motion rhythm, similar to a
Tarantula."

"Just when you though serialism couldn't get any serialer, along comes a
student of Messiaen's named Boulez."

This makes me think of an old article I came across last year, called "My
Favorite Composer is Opus."  I happened to have a copy on my hard drive, so
for anyone who's interested, here it is.

..........................................................................

"My Favorite Composer is Opus"

This information has been gleaned from test papers and essays from eighteen
years of teaching elementary school youngsters. Some of their observations
about music have been hilarious; all have been expressed in the
delightfully original style of children.
        Mike Edwards, in "Sinfonian"
..........................................................................

"'Dirges' are music written to be played at sad occasions, such as
funerals, weddings and the like."

"'Poignant' music is music you hear before the stork comes."

"'Refrain' means don't do it!  A refrain in music is the part you better
not play."

"A virtuoso is somebody with real high morals."

"Johnann Christian Bach was Johann Sebastian Bach's son.  Otherwise, they
were unrelationed."

"J.S. Bach died from 1750 to the present."

"Bach is the most famous composer in the world and so is Handel."

"Handel was half German, half Italian and half English.  He was rather large."

"Mozart was a great musician because he practiced without someone having to
hit him over the head with a hangernade [sic].  He never forgot to practice,
and even when he did he was sorry."

"Friendshipwise, Mozart and Haydn were veryclose."

"Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf.  He was so deaf he wrote
loud music.  He took long walks in the forests even when everybody was
calling him.  I guess he could not hear so good."

"His ideas about the importance of music were maintained very enforcedly."

"Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died from this."

"Chopin had many fast friends.  Among the fastest was Miss Sands."

"Soon his reputation was as long as his arm, stretching all the way from
Warsaw to Paris."

"Pagannini did not have fatness, but just skinny bones."

"Paganini was a great viali vyalin vilia fidler."

"Henry Purcell is a well-known composer few people have ever heard of."

"In a band uniform or not, Sousa was a dashing figure."

"Aaron Copland is one of our most famous contemporary composers.  It is
unusual to be contemporary.  Most composers don't live until they are dead."

"When a singer sings, he stirs up the air and makes it hit any passing
eardrums.  But if he is good he knows how to keep it from hurting."

"Music sung by two people at the same time is called a duel."

"I know what a sextet is but I had rather not say."

"Caruso was at first an Italian.  Then someone heard his voice and said it
would go a long way, so he came to America."

"I used to think that the flute was a brass insterment.  All in a moment I
pierced together that it was a woodwind.  I pierced it together by peeking
in a book."

"A xylophone is an instrument used mainly to illustrate the letter x."

"Until it is decided whether the oboe is a clarinet or an English horn, we
must continue to call it an oboe."

"The number of strings in an orchestra is more for saying than believing."

"Clarinet reeds are so thin and crackable they are really not good for
anything but clarinet reeds."

"One thing you should always remember about trying to play a clarinet
without a reed is don't."

"A tuba is much longer than its name sounds."

"When anybody says suite, what he's saying depends on whether he is saying
it in a music store or a hotel."

"A good musician gets better with practice and does not keep making the
same mistake over and over, ect., ect., ect."

"I am one of music's starchest supporters.  I think our school orchestra is
the best in the whole state.  Of course, I may be a little pregnant."

"Most authorities agree that music of antiquity was written long ago."

"Pianissimo is a spare word for when you cannot think how to say shhh."

"Ritardando is the warning way of saying look out for whats up ahead."

"Tempo is how fast people are playing when they can no longer be measured
in miles per hour."

"Agnus Dei was a woman composer famous for her church music."

"Gregory (of the Gregorian chant) lived from 540 to 604, but I forget
whether it was A.C. or D.C."

"Probably the most famous fugue was the one between the Hatfields and the
McCoys."

"If you ever want to see a harpsichord you must peel your eyes."

"Modern music has only been written for a drop in the bucket."

"Carnegie Hall is located in New York at the present time."

"One of my best friends (that I will remain nameless) does not like music.
In spite of people like her most concerts these days stay tightly populated."

"My favorite composer is Opus."

"The music I like best is Peter and the Wolf because it does things most
music cannot do such as chirp-chirp, quack-quack and grrrr."

"My very best-liked piece is the Bronze Lullaby."

"My favorite instrument is the bassoon.  It is so hard to play people
seldom play it.  That is why I like the bassoon best."

"One good thing to remember about going on past FINE two times is it should
not be done.  When anybody gets to a good stopping place like FINE, he
should know enough to stop there and end."
.............................................................................

_____________________________________
Avery Todd, RPT
Moores School of Music
University of Houston
713-743-3226
atodd@uh.edu
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