PC Viruses

[William Maxim]

Ron:  You forgot the HANTAVIRUS.  It's neither PC (politically
correct) nor UN-PC but it's carried by your mouse.

>Date:	Sat, 21 Sep 1996 00:16:01 -0800 (PST)
>From:	ron_and_lorene@juno.com (Ronald R Shiflet)
>Sender:	owner-pianotech@byu.edu
>To:	mac69@imap2.asu.edu
>cc:	pianotech@byu.edu, Jandar@juno.com, Daron_Jones@7habits.com,
>	        Brent.Kempton@trw.com, Delbert_and_Melinda@juno.com,
>	        Sorensen@eac.cc.az.us, Wilson@eac.cc.az.us
>Subject:	PC Viruses
>
>Watch out for the following viruses:
>
>
>PAT BUCHANAN VIRUS: Your system works fine, but it complains
loudly
>about foreign software.
>
>COLIN POWELL VIRUS: Makes its presence known, but doesn't do
anything.
>Secretly, you wish it would.
>
>Hillary CLINTON VIRUS: Files disappear, only to reappear
mysteriously
>a year later, in another directory.
>
>O.J. SIMPSON VIRUS: You know it's guilty of trashing your system,
but
>you just can't prove it.
>
>STEVE FORBES VIRUS: All files are reported as the same size.
>
>PAUL REVERE VIRUS:  This revolutionary virus does not horse
around.
>It warns you of impending hard disk attack:  Once, if by LAN;
twice if
>by C.
>
>POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS:  Never identifies itself as a "virus," but
>instead refers to itself as an "electronic micro-organism."
>
>ROSS PEROT VIRUS:  Activates every component in your system, just
>before the whole thing quits.
>
>TED TURNER VIRUS: Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
>
>DAN QUAYLE VIRUS (#2): Their is sumthing rong with your komputer, but
>ewe cant figyour outt watt!
>
>GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS:  Nothing works, but all your diagnostic
>software says everything is fine.
>
>NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS:  Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of
>people really mad just thinking about it.
>
>FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS:  Divides your hard disk into hundreds of
>little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which
>claim to be the most important part of your computer.
>
>GALLUP VIRUS:  Sixty percent of the PC's infected will lose 30 percent
>of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent
>margin of error).
>
>TEXAS VIRUS:  Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.
>
>ADAM AND EVE VIRUS:  Takes a couple bytes out of your Apple.
>
>CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS:  The computer locks up, and the screen splits in
>half with  the same message appearing on each side of the screen.  The
>message says that the blame for the gridlock is caused by the other
>side.
>
>AIRLINE LUGGAGE VIRUS:  You're in Dallas, but your data is in
>Singapore.
>
>FREUDIAN VIRUS:  Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own
>motherboard.
>
>PBS VIRUS:  Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.
>
>ELVIS VIRUS:  Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy, then self
>destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations
>across rural America.
>
>OLLIE NORTH VIRUS:  Causes your printer to become a paper shredder.
>
>NIKE VIRUS:  Just does it.
>
>SEARS VIRUS:  Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables, power
>supply, and a set of shocks.
>
>JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS:  Your programs can never be found again.
>
>KEVORKIAN VIRUS:  Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy.
>
>STAR TREK VIRUS:  Invades your system in places where no virus has
>gone before.
>
>HEALTH CARE VIRUS:  Tests your system once a day, finds nothing
>wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.