> In a message dated 98-02-20 03:12:52 EST, you write: > > << Delete it if you are not sure. No virus > has ever survivied a delete. > > My point exactly! Are you willing to take the chance and open the mail? > Hoax or not, you be the judge whether you will take these warnings seriously. > WARNING the following "Alerts" are hoaxes, do not spread them unless you feel compelled.... ; ) (Check the archives for redundencies svp) Now that you have opened this message and your computer has not crashed, read on about the horrors you needn't worry about... Or if you please you may DELETE now. The Cents Virus. This "mild" virus causes error messages to appear stating that your computer is operating at so many "cents" flat of its chip's frequency. Thus if the message reads "Your CPU is 10 cents flat" this means your computer is running roughly 10% slow. So if your machine is rated at 33 MHZ you are only getting 30 MHZ. Some people have argued that this is a feature not a fever. Still others are trying to prove this is an actual infection causing the machine to run 10% or more off speed. A smart alec student at a well known Ag school in South Dakota summed it up, "This virus is like Scabbies in sheep. No causitive agent has ever been identified" However at least one person reported a reading of 100 cents flat, and the reliability of that is, he had to send it by snail mail. The 440* Virus. This is deadly. It causes your cpu to operate at 440 MHZ. Owners of the paltry 200MHZ Pentium pricked up their ears at this one until they learned the excessive speed caused a meltdown within five minutes of infection. Then they pointed fingers at the Power Mac users until a stern rebuke came back "Why would we want to slow our 600MHZ machines to 440?" The Perfect Pitch Virus. This causes the computer to play midi files, wav. files etc. sometimes flat and sometimes sharp from A440 which then causes people with pefect pitch vague anxiety when they hear the music. Some workers have claimed this results in job related stress and want their medical benifits to pay for treatment. The Lost Motion Virus. This affects keyboards, but so far is not known to PC users. However it is a plague among Mac users, as any teacher in charge of Mac computers knows. Here, the smirking wise guy, without the faintest knowledge of code, can tamper with the keyboard response setting in a control panel that isn't even remotely related to the keyboard. It causes a time lapse between the keystroke and the character appearing on the screen. A setting of 30 seconds is usually enough to convince the poor teacher that a virus has indeed infected the machines, unless he/she is young enough to have picked up the trick as a freshman. The HT Virus. This causes the sound card to play music in one of the various "Historical Temperaments" However it has never been reported, because no one has ever noticed. The SAT Virus. This is related to the Cents Virus. Instead of error messages, it causes the characters on the screen to oscillate to the frequency of the machine's operating speed. Thus if your machine is capible of 50 MHZ but is only operating at 40 MHZ the characters appear to be marching off the screen at ten per second. The Pianotech List Virus. This was probably dreamed up by an aural tuner whose mind was drifting because he/she wasn't concentrating on drifting lights while tuning. Again there is a debate over whether this is a blessing or a curse, but is usually one sided. This virus causes posts from the obnoxious sender to be deleted when the "send" icon is clicked, but they yet appear on his screen as if received by the list. After no one responds, he begins to get the message. Could some one please email me if this made it to pianotech? Richard Moody VIP (virus inspector prognosticator)
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