...And is that your final answer?

[Ron Nossaman]

At 04:50 PM 11/20/1999 -0600, you wrote:
>Welcome to another round of "Who wants to be a Millionaire!"  
>
>(Music plays, lights begin flashing, crowd erupts with wild cheering).
>
>The first question is, "You are familiar with the prestigious and
>illustrious Julius Bach spinet.  There are four answers given below as to
>why this piano has staples in the low shoulders of the hammers.  Choose the
>incorrect answer."
>
>A.  The staples are there so sales people in the 70's could brag about the
>quality (snicker, snicker) of the Julius Bach spinet.  "See, these hammers
>have staples in the shoulders, just like Brand X."
>
>B.  The staples have no useful function and one wonders why they are even
>there, especially when one is pulling one's hair out in frustration while
>regluing the 30 hammers where the hammer felt has popped loose.
>
>C.  As proof that Julius Bach is a quality piano manufacturer, the staples
>go all the way through the hammer felt and the moulding, preventing the
>hammer felt from springing out away from the moulding.
>
>D.  The staples are just long enough to go into the felt on each side of
>the hammer, but not long enough to even touch the wood of the moulding,
>thereby ensuring lots of work for piano technicians to patch together said
>aforementioned hammers when they inevitably disintegrate.
>
>
>What is the incorrect answer?
>
>The incorrect answer is ...
>
>C.  The staples go all the way through the hammer.
>
>Have a great day!
>David Vanderhoofven

Right you are, Sir, but (as you might guess) there's more to it than this!
The secret to the highly lucrative repair and luster enhancement
(polishing) of these, er, objects is to find a glue that adheres to
staples. If you can do that, your future is insured.


>P.S.  The writer of this post is in no way affiliated with the Julius Bach
>piano company, its employees, assigns or heirs, and has no regrets about
>any statements made herein.

Yea, yea, and the check is in the mail, may be too intense for some
viewers, etc. 


>P.P.S.  Warning:  Working on "high class" pianos, such as the Julius Bach
>spinet is not conducive to one's mental health, and may piano technicians
>to begin to talk to themselves.  

Is that what does it? Alright folks, let's be honest. Who out there was
talking to themselves way before they ever saw a Julius Bach? 'Fess up
now... hands!



Ron N