True Definitions

[robert goodale]

Here are some interesting musical related definitions.  Kind of
puts things in a whole new perspective.  These are from a rather
unique list of terms I found while web surfing.  You can find the
whole collection here:

http://www.ii.uib.no/~magnus/e/

Rob Goodale, RPT
Las Vegas, NV
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PIANO, n. A parlor utensil for subduing the impenitent visitor.
It is operated by pressing the keys of the machine and the
spirits
of the audience.

ACCORDION, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an
assassin.

CREMONA, n. A high-priced violin made in Connecticut.

LYRE, n. An ancient instrument of torture.

OPERA, n. A play representing life in another world, whose
inhabitants have no speech but song, no motions but gestures and
no postures but attitudes. All acting is simulation, and the word
simulation is from simia, an ape; but in opera the actor takes
for his model Simia audibilis (or Pithecanthropos stentor) -- the
ape that howls.

NOISE, n. A stench in the ear. Undomesticated music. The chief
product and authenticating sign of civilization.

ENTERTAINMENT, n. Any kind of amusement whose inroads stop short
of death by injection.

APPLAUSE, n. The echo of a platitude.

PHONOGRAPH, n. An irritating toy that restores life to dead
noises.