> > NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE > > > > > To the citizens of the United States of America, > > In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus > >to > > govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your > > independence, effective today. DUH. . ! ? We HAVE an *elected* president. His term doesn't expire until some where around Jan 20th 2001, well, --- after the Super Bowl. Sorry, you have to wait until then and already the line is very long including two Grand mothers who were DAR. rip > > > > Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties > > > >over > >all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she > > > >does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP > >for > >the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world > >outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the > >need > >for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A > >questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of > >you noticed. > > > >To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following > >rules are introduced with immediate effect: > > > >1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. > >Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be > >amazed at > >just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should > >raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". > >Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such > >as "like" and you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of > >communication. Look up "interspersed". > > 2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know > >on your behalf. > > 3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. > >It really isn't that hard. > > 4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as > >the good guys. > > 5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The > >Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you > >to get confused and give up half way through. > >6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind > >of > > football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good > >game. > >The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your > >borders > > may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will > >no > > longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. > >Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a > >difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to > >play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not > >involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar > >body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US > >rugby sevens side by 2005. > >7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if > >they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that here > >is > > a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The > >Russians > >have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "shit". > >8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new > >national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive > >Day". > > 9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for > >your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what > >we mean. > >10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy. > >
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