What to Tell Owner About Her BAD Piano

[Farrell]

I tune many older, low quality pianos that have a lot of noise, false beats,
etc. in them. Put a good tuning on 'em and they still sound quite a bit less
than stellar. I tuned a 1974 Sorry & Cluck console today. One of the worst I
have met in terms of noise (in that you cannot get a clean unison), and
false beats (top two octaves are trashed). It was 30 cents flat in bass and
up to 100 cents flat in high-treble. Raised pitch, & tuned. Then the lady
tells me that in a week or so some friend of hers is coming to visit. This
lady is reported to be a very advanced pianist. The guest will be playing
the piano - that is why the once-every-20-years tuning.

Now surely anyone that is a good pianist will sit down to play this thing
for about a minute, and then say to the owner "Eleanor, I thought you said
you just had this piano tuned?" Like, I'm tuning this thing and thinking
that this lady will call me in two weeks and want me to "tune it right this
time". I know it is best to not say anything about the lousy pianos to
owners - and I don't. But, boy, in a case like this I really want to tell
her to not expect much - her piano sounds better - but it still sounds
like......well, you know. Any suggestions?

IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOU HAVE A BAD PIANO, LADY!

Terry Farrell