Gender of God, and other piano-realted stuff - ENOUGH ALREADY

[Geoff Sykes]

: Prophet (American Heritage Dictionary): The chief spokesperson of a
movement or cause.

: Apostle (American Heritage Dictionary): A passionate adherent; a strong
supporter. 

: Gospel (WordNet, Princeton University): The written body of teachings of a
(religious) group that are generally accepted by that group.

OK, so I got a little picky in the definitions that I chose. But that said,
and while agreeing that, (depending upon what the definition of "is" is),
"God" "is", let's see if we can make this just that much sillier! Here's the
testimony that I received:

"Christians use Hell to scare people into believing what they believe. But
to believe in something just because you're afraid of the consequences if
you don't believe in something is no reason to believe in something."
-- Homer Simpson


And then ---
Asked by Bart what his religious beliefs are, Homer answers, "You know, the
one with all the well-meaning rules that don't work in real life. Uh,
Christianity."


No one would mistake Homer Simpson and his family for saints. In many ways,
in fact, they are quintessentially weak, good-hearted sinners who rely on
their faith -- but only when absolutely necessary. 
-- Michael Medved


"(The Simpsons) have captured a very common understanding of who God is,"
said Glodo, of Reformed Theological Seminary. "It's a very functional view
of religion." 




And with that, I'm running for cover.






-----Original Message-----
From: pianotech-bounces at ptg.org [mailto:pianotech-bounces at ptg.org] On Behalf
Of Alan Barnard
Sent: Monday, June 19, 2006 12:15 PM
To: Pianotech List
Subject: RE: Gender of God, and other piano-realted stuff - ENOUGH ALREADY


God ... the ultimate inconvenient, yet absolute, truth.

How on earth did this silly thread get started? Why am I perpetuating it
even one more keystroke?

Oh yeah, to declare out of necessity a portion of my resolute testimony: God
IS. You have the testimony of prophets and apostles from Adam to the present
day and you have the absolute right and capability to receive your own
testimony.

Don't let fear stop you.

Alan Barnard
Salem, Missouri

P.S. If this post offends anyone, they have my sympathy.
----- Original Message ----- 
From: Geoff Sykes 
To: Pianotech List
Sent: 06/19/2006 12:44:09 PM 
Subject: RE: Gender of God, and other piano-realted stuff - ENOUGH ALREADY


Let's lighten up, people. If you can't follow George's proposed new third
commandment, (see end of article), then please take this conversation to a
forum where it is appropriate. May I suggest the following Google search:
http://groups.google.com/groups/search?q=god+male+female

=====================================

GEORGE CARLIN ON THE 10 COMMANDMENTS
from "Complaints and Grievances" (HBO special) 

Here is my problem with the ten commandments- why exactly are there 10? 

You simply do not need ten. The list of ten commandments was artificially
and deliberately inflated to get it up to ten. Here's what happened: 

About 5,000 years ago a bunch of religious and political hustlers got
together to try to figure out how to control people and keep them in line.
They knew people were basically stupid and would believe anything they were
told, so they announced that God had given them some commandments, up on a
mountain, when no one was around.

Well let me ask you this- when they were making this s**t up, why did they
pick 10? Why not 9 or 11? I'll tell you why- because 10 sounds official. Ten
sounds important! Ten is the basis for the decimal system, it's a decade,
it's a psychologically satisfying number (the top ten, the ten most wanted,
the ten best dressed). So having ten commandments was really a marketing
decision! It is clearly a b******t list. It's a political document
artificially inflated to sell better. I will now show you how you can reduce
the number of commandments and come up with a list that's a little more
workable and logical. I am going to use the Roman Catholic version because
those were the ones I was taught as a little boy.

Let's start with the first three: 

I AM THE LORD THY GOD THOU SHALT NOT HAVE STRANGE GODS BEFORE ME

THOU SHALT NOT TAKE THE NAME OF THE LORD THY GOD IN VAIN

THOU SHALT KEEP HOLY THE SABBATH

Right off the bat the first three are pure b******t. Sabbath day? Lord's
name? strange gods? Spooky language! Designed to scare and control primitive
people. In no way does superstitious nonsense like this apply to the lives
of intelligent civilized humans in the 21st century. So now we're down to 7.
Next:

HONOR THY FATHER AND MOTHER

Obedience, respect for authority. Just another name for controlling people.
The truth is that obedience and respect shouldn't be automatic. They should
be earned and based on the parent's performance. Some parents deserve
respect, but most of them don't, period. You're down to six.

Now in the interest of logic, something religion is very uncomfortable with,
we're going to jump around the list a little bit.

THOU SHALT NOT STEAL

THOU SHALT NOT BEAR FALSE WITNESS

Stealing and lying. Well actually, these two both prohibit the same kind of
behavior- dishonesty. So you don't really need two you combine them and call
the commandment "thou shalt not be dishonest". And suddenly you're down to
5.

And as long as we're combining I have two others that belong together:

THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTERY

THOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR'S WIFE

Once again, these two prohibit the same type of behavior. In this case it is
marital infidelity. The difference is- coveting takes place in the mind. But
I don't think you should outlaw fantasizing about someone else's wife
because what is a guy gonna think about when he's waxing his carrot? But,
marital infidelity is a good idea so we're gonna keep this one and call it
"thou shalt not be unfaithful". And suddenly we're down to four.

But when you think about it, honesty and infidelity are really part of the
same overall value so, in truth, you could combine the two honesty
commandments with the two fidelity commandments and give them simpler
language, positive language instead of negative language and call the whole
thing "thou shalt always be honest and faithful" and we're down to 3.

THOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR"S GOODS

This one is just plain f****n' stupid. Coveting your neighbor's goods is
what keeps the economy going! Your neighbor gets a vibrator that plays "o
come o ye faithful", and you want one too! Coveting creates jobs, so leave
it alone. You throw out coveting and you're down to 2 now- the big honesty
and fidelity commandment and the one we haven't talked about yet:

THOU SHALT NOT KILL

Murder. But when you think about it, religion has never really had a big
problem with murder. More people have been killed in the name of god than
for any other reason. All you have to do is look at Northern Ireland,
Cashmere, the Inquisition, the Crusades, and the World Trade Center to see
how seriously the religious folks take thou shalt not kill. The more devout
they are, the more they see murder as being negotiable. It depends on who's
doin the killin' and who's gettin' killed. So, with all of this in mind, I
give you my revised list of the two commandments:

Thou shalt always be honest and faithful to the provider of thy nookie.

&

Thou shalt try real hard not to kill anyone, unless of course they pray to a
different invisible man than you.

Two is all you need; Moses could have carried them down the hill in his
f****n' pocket. I wouldn't mind those folks in Alabama posting them on the
courthouse wall, as long as they provided one additional commandment:

Thou shalt keep thy religion to thyself.



-----Original Message-----
From: pianotech-bounces at ptg.org [mailto:pianotech-bounces at ptg.org] On Behalf
Of pianotune05 at comcast.net
Sent: Monday, June 19, 2006 9:21 AM
To: Pianotech List
Subject: Re: Gender of God, and other piano-realted stuff.....


Definitly faith I would attest.  Now we're getting into even deeper
theological topics which I know I'd get in trouble for discussing because
they're not piano related.  Someone else who's been a piano tech longer than
I who isn't new might get by with it.:)  All I will say is that discussing
those who wrote Scripture then opens the door for the topic, then who truly
wrote the Bible the people who thought the earth was flat or God inspiring
them?  I know the answer, but I'll leave it for another list. Marshall

-------------- Original message -------------- 
From: "Robin Blankenship" <tunerdude at comcast.net> 

What evidence do you have for that assertion, Luis? Or, is this statement
just to be taken on faith............

Robin Blankenship
----- Original Message ----- 
From: LuisGalvez at aol.com 
To: pianotech at ptg.org 
Sent: Monday, June 19, 2006 11:23 AM
Subject: Re: Gender of God, and other piano-realted stuff.....


Remember that the people who wrote the bible thought the earth was flat.

Luis Antonio Galvez-Alcantara "He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he
thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up."
www.tenors.net 



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