[pianotech] Fw: monday

[John Ross]

----- Original Message ----- 
From: William Rowland 
To: Undisclosed recipients
Sent: Sunday, June 07, 2009 10:43 PM
Subject: monday



Gun Purchase

A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a shotgun. 

"It's for my husband," she tells the clerk.

"Did he tell you what gauge to get?" asked the clerk.

"Are you kidding?" she says. "He doesn't even know that I'm going to shoot him!"

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Statistics R Us

Two men walk into a bar. One sits at one end of the bar and the other at the opposite end. The bartender asks the first man what he wants.   

"I'll have a Frizzle... that's a beer with a splash of tonic, a splash of orange juice, a squeeze of lemon, no lime."   

Then the man at the other end of the bar orders. "Make mine a Frizzle.It's a beer with just a bit of tonic, a bit of orange juice, a squeeze of lemon, but no lime."   

The astonished bartender makes the drinks. Then he asks the first man what he does for a living.   

"I am a theoretical mathematician at the university."   

Then he asks the other man what he does.   

"Theoretical mathematician at the college."   

"This is remarkable," says the bartender. "You both order a drink that I've never heard of. You have the identical profession and you both walk into my bar on the same day at the same time. What are the odds on something like that happening?"   

Both men look up and answer in unison, "Twelve trillion, nine hundred, and eighty-seven billion to one."   

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Little Johnny came home from school, crying.  His mom asked what had happened in school to cause him so much distress. He said, "The teacher called me a scurvy elephant!"  The mom was very upset, too, and couldn't wait to get to the school the next day.  

When she asked the teacher why she had called her son a 'scurvy elephant', the teacher replied, " That's not what I said. He was disturbing the class, and I called him 'a disturbing element!'

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And finally,

Butchering a Public Announcement

The Piggly Wiggly over by me had a sale on boneless chicken breasts last week. I intended to stock up. At the store, however, I was disappointed to find only a few skimpy, pre-packaged portions of the poultry, so I complained to the butcher lady. 

"Don't worry," she said, "I'll pack some more trays and have them ready for you by the time you finish shopping."

Several aisles later, I heard the lady butcher's voice boom over the public-address system: 

"Will the gentleman who wanted bigger breasts please meet me at the back of the store."




-$3 ("Some parents have a hard time deciding on a name for the new baby, but others have rich relatives.")
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