[pianotech] Fw: Saturday

[John Ross]

----- Original Message ----- 
From: William Rowland 
To: Undisclosed recipients
Sent: Friday, September 18, 2009 11:36 PM
Subject: Saturday



Thoughts On Genealogy

~ Genealogy: Tracing yourself back to better people.

~ I trace my family history so I will know who to blame.

~ Can a first cousin, once removed, return?

~ Searching for lost relatives?  Win the lottery!

~ Do I even WANT ancestors?

~ Genealogy: Where you confuse the dead and irritate the living.

~ Every family tree has some sap in it.

~ Friends come and go, but relatives tend to accumulate.

~ Genealogists never die, they just lose their roots.

~ Genealogy: A haystack full of needles. It's the threads I need.

~ Heredity:  Everyone believes in it until their children act like fools.

~ I think my family tree is a few branches short of full bloom.

~ Theory of relativity: If you go back far enough, we're all related

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I like this one:

Big-Mouthed Slob

A construction worker was whistling and verbally harassing a young girl as she walked by the construction site.

She completely ignored him, and just kept on walking.

Annoyed, the worker yelled, "Well, you're an ugly bitch anyway!"

The girl turned around and replied, "Isn't it terrible when even an ugly bitch won't give you the time of day?"

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Crossing Sign

A crew of highway maintenance workers were sent to repair some road signs that vandals had knocked down in a forested area. The first one they put back up was a symbol warning of a deer crossing.

As they moved down the road to repair the next sign, one member, of the crew looked back and spotted a deer running across the highway. She turned to a co-worker and said, "I wonder how long he's been waiting to cross?"

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And finally,

A man was laid off and did odd jobs to make ends meet. One day, he knocked on a woman's door and asked for work. She gave him a five-gallon bucket of paint and a brush. "Go around back of the house and paint the porch," she said. 

An hour later, he returned. The woman was amazed that he finished so quickly. She asked if he had done a good job. 

"Yep. But, lady, that's not a Porsche back there. That's a Mercedes."




-$3 ("If someone declares that he is able to do everything at sixty that he was able to do at twenty, then he was not doing very much when he was twenty.")
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