Hope everyone can enjoy this...
John Minor University of Illinois
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
How to be annoying on-line -by Chip Rowe Spy Magazine Aug '94
Make up fake acronyms. On-line veterans like to use
abbreviations like IMHO (in my humble opinion) and RTFM(read the
fucking manual) to show that they're "hep" to the lingo. Make up
your own that don't stand for anything (SETO, BARL, CP30) use them
liberally, and then refuse to explain what they stand for ("You
don't know? RTFM").
WRITE ALL YOUR MESSAGES IN ALL CAPS AND DON'T USE PERIODS OR
RETURNS SO THAT EVERYONE HAS TO SCROLL ACROSS THEIR SCREENS TO READ
EVERY LINE ALSO USE A LOT OF !!!!!!! AND DDOOUUBBLLEESS TO SHOW
THAT YOU'RE EXCITED ABOUT BEING THEIR!!!!!!
When replying to your mail, correct everyone's grammar and
spelling and point out their typos, but don't otherwise respond to
the content of their messages. When they respond testily to your
"creative criticism," do it again. Continue until they go away.
Software and files offered on-line are often "compressed" so
that it won't take so long to travel over the phone lines. Buy a
compression program and compress EVERYTHING you send, including
one-word E-mail responses like "Thanks."
Upload text files with Bible passages about sin and guild and
give them names like "SexyHouseWiveI," then see how many people
download them. Challenge your friends to come up with the most
popular come-on. Take bets and calculate odds on the results of
each upload's popularity.
cc: all your E-mail to Al Gore(vice.president@whitehouse.gov)
so that he can keep track of what's happening on the
Information.Superhighway.Internet.
Join a discussion group, and tie whatever's being discussed
back to an unrelated central theme of your own. For instance, if
you're in a discussion of gun control, respond to every message
with the observation that those genetically superior tomatoes seem
to have played an important role. Within days, all discussion of
gun control will have ceased and people write you threatening
messages and instruct all other members to ignore you.
This PTG archive page provided courtesy of Moy Piano Service, LLC