I last left you with a birdcage and the founder and president-for-life
of BILL'S BULL-ONLY BUNCH. Let's continue.
Preface: In order to introduce you to some of my fellow Baloney Bunchers
and Buncherettes, I'd like to guide you through a virtual meeting we had
just last week. Hang on tight!
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We Baloney Bunchers are an odd group. We always start off every meeting
with a song. It serves to remind ourselves that the piano is not some
arcane mechanical mechanism intended to be just tuned and serviced, but a
musical instrument, intended to be played. The song is called "The Baloney
Bunch" song. The tune is that of the Dr. Pepper jingle on TV and it
goes like this: (join in, if you like)
The Baloney Bunch Song
I'm a Buncher,
He's a Buncher,
She's a Buncher,
We're all Bunchers;
Wouldn't you like to
Be a Buncher, too?
At this point, the whole membership yells out "YES!" And, that's the way
we start off every meeting. Our piano accompaniment is a duet: Charles
Steinway--the man who "discovered" Paderewski--plays the LH and Ignace,
himself, does the RH, all the time improvising like crazy. Like Liszt,
he can't seem to play anything "straight". The piano is one of those
great turn-of-the-century Steinway uprights which seems to hold its tune
forever. Sometimes, however, Dick Gertz will sneak over to it and deliber-
ately untune some of its strings. Then, the next time its played, he'll
drive Charles Steinway crazy by pointing out that it doesn't seem to be
holding its tune very well, anymore. What a card!
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Equalholics Anonymous
It's true! Even though many Baloney Bunchers do occasionally tune an HT--
and hey! we were all great at tuning unequal temperaments when we were
just starting out!--we are all confirmed equalholics and damned proud of
it! Recognizing this fact, we have formed our own, in-house, support-
group, Equalholics Anonymous! It works like this:
At every meeting, Dr. William (Wild-Bill, to his friends, but that's
another story) Braid White, stands before our group and asks: "Are there
any equalholics out there who would like to speak tonight?" And, as one,
the entire audience leaps to its feet and starts forward.
"No, no!" Dr. White yells. "One at a time. Please remain orderly." And
so everyone takes his seat. Well, almost everyone. Last week it was Ralph
Martin who came forward. When he reached the podium, Ralphus turned and
with a devilish grin on his face and a twinkle in his eyes he said:
"Hi, my name is Ralph. I'm an equalholic and I haven't tuned a piano in ET
for"--here he checked his watch--"about twenty minutes." At this, the group
broke into polite applause, but even before it was finished, Ralph sud-
denly shouted out, "BUT I CAN'T TAKE IT NO MORE", whipped out his tuning
hammer and ran off the stage in search of a piano to tune. At this point,
the whole group broke into thunderous, sustained applause, while all the
time stomping their feet, whistling, and shouting out things like: "Atta
Boy!", " Way to go, Ralph!" and "ET Forever!" I tell you, it was a sight
to behold. And that's the way our support meetings at EA work.
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It is better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool, than to open
it and remove all doubt. Abe Lincoln
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The following are excerpts taken from a discussion on ET here in America,
moderated by Dr. William Braid White and including panelists John Travis,
Ernest Knabe, Charles Steinway, Ignace Paderewski, Teresa Carreno, and
Edward Macdowell.
WARNING, WARNING, WARNING, WARNING, WARNING!
The following contains opinions from those who actually know something
about music. THIS LEAVES YOU OUT, PAL! In one of the biggest piles of
bill-bull ever to appear on Pianotech, you gave advice on how to
perform--and I quote verbatim-- "Chopin's Raindrops Etude", which you
later described as "a sophisticated" piece of music. Let's get it
straight, pal, Chopin never wrote a "Raindrops Etude"! Its title is "The
Raindrop"; it's a PRELUDE, not an etude; and it's essentially entry-level
Chopin, written in the key of Db. Sophisticated Chopin in the same key
would be something like his Db Nocturne, Opus 27, #2, or his Berceuse,
Opus 57. You obviously don't know a damn thing about piano music! You
shouldn't have sent that one in an e-mail, it deserved to be sent in a
crock with a ribbon tied around it and a bow on top!
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ET in America
DR. WHITE: "Piano Tuning and Allied Arts" was not the first book I wrote
in which I described how to tune in ET.. That distinction goes to "The
Theory and Practice of Pianoforte Construction", published in 1906. In
this earlier book, I did not describe how I thought pianos SHOULD be made,
but how they WERE being made. Similarly, when I gave detailed instructions
for tuning in ET, I was not describing a new temperament I thought tuners
SHOULD be using, but one they had ALREADY been using here in America for a
long time--one that went back to the days of America's first great virtu-
uoso pianist/composer, the enormously influential Louis Moreau Gottschalk.
DR. WHITE Continues: The piano is a musical instrument. Its function is to
be played. The choice of temperament is NOT decided by those who service
it, but by those who play it! It is decided by the best, the brightest,
the most talented, the most knowledgeable, the most successful, the most
powerful and the most influential pianists and composers in the world of
professional music. They lead, everyone else follows. As service people,
our job is to give them what they want and for the last century and a
half, or so, such people have been saying that ET is what they want be-
cause it serves their needs best.
JOHN TRAVIS: Well said, Dr. White. That's why--as the president of the old
National Association of Piano Tuners, co-founder of the Guild, and author
of such works as "Let's Tune Up!"--so much of my effort has been directed
towards raising the competency level of the craft in the tuning of ET.
TERESA CARRENO: I haven't heard the name Louis Gottschalk in a long time.
When he was in Europe he knew all the greats, including Liszt, to whom his
playing was frequently compared. When he started writing music, though, it
was different. He wrote elaborate virtuosic fantasies which incorporated
American folk tunes, and so-called "plantation music" from his native
Louisiana, and combined them with South American and Cuban rhythms, which
formed a style uniquely his own and uniquely American. Chopin was still
alive when Louie started writing, and his music took Europe by storm.
When he finally came home--in the late 1850's--he became immensely popular
and influential. Louie frequently tuned his own piano and was using ET--
for that matter, so was Liszt--even back then. I guess he felt it suited
the style of music he wrote, as well as his style of playing. Remember,
too, America's popular music of that time. When I gave a concert for
President Lincoln and afterwards offered to play his favorite piece, he
thought a minute and then replied, "Listen to the Mocking Bird"! That was
America's music--classical and popular--of the latter 19th century.
ERNEST KNABE: The development of equal temperament here in America was
directly related to those who used it, in much the same way that the
American piano was related to those who played it. The American piano
industry was constantly driven by the best pianists' demands for
faster, more responsive actions; greater tuning stability; and a better
quality of tone, more sustain, more projection and a greater dynamic range,
coupled with more power on the top end. The American concert grand as it
emerged in 1876 was the piano industry's response to those demands. We
gave the pianists what they wanted. So did ET.
CHARLES STEINWAY: That's not too difficult to understand. The American
piano gave pianists what they wanted in an instrument and ET gave them
what they wanted in a temperament. Simple, really.
IGNACE PADEREWSKI: Exactly. I chose to play the Steinway and Knabe pianos,
because as a pianist/composer, they gave me what I wanted; I chose ET as
my temperament for the same reason--put another way, as a professional
performer, they made me look my best. And, I certainly wasn't alone in my
choices. The earliest acoustical recordings date back to the turn of the
century and you can hear for yourself. ET was the temperament of choice
here in America, long before Dr. White wrote his book.
EDWARD MACDOWELL: I agree with Paddy. Also, ET particularly suited the
style of playing that had been evolving going back to Liszt--who lived
until 1886--and which blossomed when it met the American concert grand as
it emerged in the late 19th century.
CHARLES STEINWAY: That's what Anton Rubinstein said when we brought him
here to America. His violent attacks and heavy pounding routinely des-
troyed Europe's finest pianos-- that's one reason people went to one of
his concerts. Ruby raved about our piano because it was able to with-
stand his style of playing. As he put it, it allowed him to do what he had
always tried to do, but better. Funny thing, though, he loved our piano,
but distrusted our money. He insisted on being paid in gold!
TERESA CARRENO: Piano tuners talk about temperament, pianists talk about
music. As professionals, our reputations are on the line every time we sit
down to play. How well we might have played last month, last week, or even
yesterday, doesn't matter. Only this time counts. Anyway, what the Ameri-
can piano and the standardization of ET gave us was utter reliability on
these counts as we traveled from place to place, performance to perform-
mance, and that allowed us to concentrate on the important thing, which was,
and always will be, the music, itself.
On this point, all the panelists readily agreed.
CHARLES STEINWAY: I'm starved. Let's eat!
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At this point, I was drawn to a heated discussion taking place between
Ralph Martin and a group of other technicians. "That guy's a jerk tuner,
I tell you; a born jerk tuner." "Easy, Ralphus," I said, seeing that he was
getting upset. "What's going on? Many tuners use a jerk style of tuning."
"I'm not talking about that," Ralph said, heatedly. "This loudmouth on
Pianotech is a jerk tuner. Just look at these." And here Ralph held out
a pile of computer printouts of a whole series of posts taken from the
List. "Just look at how he ridicules, berates and demeans anyone who dares
to disagree with his opinions, no matter how stupid they are. These fine
technicians are my friends and colleagues and some of them have even left
the list altogether, in disgust at his behavior. It's outrageous! I tell
you, this guy's a born jerk tuner."
"Remember, Ralphus," I said. "It takes a lot of practice to be a tuner.
So while I agree with you that this guy's a jerk, you can't say he
was born that way. It seems obvious that he's a self-made man. By the
way, did you bring that Mason & Hamlin grand you're restoring with you to-
night? Dick said that he'd be glad to look it over, later on." "Yeah," said
Ralph, calming down a bit. "We set it up over in the corner." "Good," I
replied. "Let's grab a quick bite to eat. Rachmaninoff's going to play
for us later and we don't want to be late."
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see Birdcages Reply, part 3, for "An Evening With Rachmaninoff". You'll
also get to meet his technician and The great Richard Gertz--Mason &
Hamlin--will make an appearance, too. We're going to have lots of fun--
well, maybe not all of us... :)
Les Smith Ambassador-At-Large, The Baloney Bunch
This PTG archive page provided courtesy of Moy Piano Service, LLC