At 09:20 AM 3/21/00 -0900, you wrote:
>Now That Must have taken An Hour to write
>Joe <G>
>----- Original Message -----
>From: robert goodale <rrg@nevada.edu>
>> al peeano teknishuns tAlkeeng sO therfour iT musT beEe.
>>
>
Joe, Rob, et al....
Rob's effort reminded me of.... yep... here it is, from 1996:
English Reform
Having chosen English as the preferred language in the EEC (now
officially the European Union, or EU), the European Parliament has
commissioned a feasability study in ways of improving efficiency in
communications between Government departments.
European officials have often pointed out that English spelling is
unnecessarily difficult; for example: cough, plough, rough, through
and thorough. What is clearly needed is a phased programme of changes to
iron out these anomalies. The programme would, of course, be
administered by a committee staff at top level by participating
nations.
In the first year, for example, the committee would suggest using 's'
instead of the soft 'c'. Sertainly, sivil servants in all sities would
resieve this news with joy. Then the hard 'c' could be replased by 'k'
sinse both letters are pronounsed alike. Not only would this klear up
konfusion in the minds of klerikal workers, but typewriters kould be
made with one less letter.
There would be growing enthusiasm when in the sekond year, it was
anounsed that the troublesome 'ph' would henseforth be written 'f'.
This would make words like 'fotograf' twenty persent shorter in print.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments would enkourage the removal of double letters which have
always been a deterent to akurate speling.
We would al agre that the horible mes of silent 'e's in the languag is
disgrasful. Therefor we kould drop thes and kontinu to read and writ
as though nothing had hapend. By this tim it would be four years sins the
skem began and peopl would be reseptive to steps sutsh as replasing
'th' by 'z'. Perhaps zen ze funktion of 'w' kould be taken on by 'v',
vitsh is, after al, half a 'w'. Shortly after zis, ze unesesary 'o'
kould
be dropd from words kontaining 'ou'. Similar arguments vud of kors be
aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
Kontinuing zis proses yer after yer, ve vud eventuli hav a reli
sensibl riten styl. After tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls, difikultis
and
evrivun vud fin it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drems of the
Guvermnt vud finali hav kum tru.
Spooky thing is.... if you look, you'll see hints of this already, and it
isn't gonna get any better.
g
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