Fwd: Thought you might like this

[Roger Jolly]

Because of my English heritage, some smart individual on the list, thought
I would find this funny.

But it may be a solution for you electoral impass.

No offence intended.


NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE

>
> To the citizens of the United States of America,
> In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus
>to
> govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your
> independence, effective today.
>
> Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties
>
>over
>all states, commonwealths and other territories.  Except Utah, which she
>
>does not fancy.  Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP
>for
>the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world
>outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the
>need
>for further elections.  Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.  A
>questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of
>you noticed.
>
>To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
>rules are introduced with immediate effect:
>
>1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
>Then look up "aluminium".  Check the pronunciation guide.  You will be
>amazed at
>just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.  Generally, you should
>raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels.  Look up "vocabulary".
>Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such
>as "like" and you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of
>communication.  Look up "interspersed".
> 2. There is no such thing as "US English".  We will let Microsoft know
>on your behalf.
> 3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents.
>It really isn't that hard.
> 4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as
>the good guys.
> 5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The
>Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1.  We would not want you
>to get confused and give up half way through.
>6. You should stop playing American "football".  There is only one kind
>of
> football.  What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good
>game.
>The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your
>borders
> may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football.  You will
>no
> longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.
>Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls.  It is a
>difficult game.  Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to
>play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not
>involve stopping for  a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar
>body armour like nancies).  We are hoping to get together at least a US
>rugby sevens side by 2005.
>7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if
>they give you any merde.  The 98.85% of you who were not aware that here
>is
> a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky.  The
>Russians
>have never been the bad guys.  "Merde" is French for "shit".
>8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday.  November 8th will be a new
>national holiday, but only in England.  It will be called "Indecisive
>Day".
> 9. All American cars are hereby banned.  They are crap and it is for
>your own good.  When we show you German cars, you will understand what
>we mean.
>10. Please tell us who killed JFK.  It's been driving us crazy.
>
> Thank you for your cooperation.
> 
Roger Jolly
Saskatoon, Canada.
306-665-0213
Fax 652-0505