tolerance and behaviour, the key to good relationships

[David Love]

Bravo!


----- Original Message -----
From: "antares" <antares@EURONET.NL>
To: <pianotech@ptg.org>
Sent: February 22, 2002 8:24 AM
Subject: tolerance and behaviour, the key to good relationships


> Dear Colleagues,
>
> An afterthought on the recent string of e-mails about quarrels over 'the
> other tuning' from one of our colleagues who continually defends himself
in
> a rather aggressive way, is a master in putting back the negative charge
> into 'the other camp', and retaliates on any constructive criticism :
>
> In the first place I would like to make clear that it is not my intention
to
> hurt or insult anybody in the world.
> One might ask : then why do you write this down?
>
> Well, that has to do with the fact that I feel an irritation, caused by
> someone who repeatedly irritates others.
> I recognize this irritation because it is the same person over and over
> again, and also about the same subject over and over again.
>
> I also have noticed over the years that I am not alone in my feeling of
> 'discomfort'.
> There are many others on this list who got into an argument with the same
> person and about the same subject.
> The pattern is recognizable too :
> A discussion about this tuning changes into an argument....the flames get
> higher and higher and..... after a short while the fire extinguishes.....
to
> stir up again sometime later etc etc.
> The person I am talking about then does not show up on the list for some
> time, we sort of cool off and tend to be forgiving and wish to forget what
> it was al about.......
> but then........ there we go again! another heated argument and again
about
> the same subject, which is a tuning that this person likes so much that a
> debate always has to - and must - end in favor of that very same person,
who
> uses sharp defensive language, and in this case mostly accuses 'the other'
> of being wrong, being aggressive, and being mistaken.
>
> From my point of view the argument is not at all about the subject it all
> started with (I am now talking about a different tuning, different from
ET).
> How could we get into a heated argument about a different tuning? It is
only
> highly recommendable that - anyone - does research in order to expand
> his/her knowledge in regard to for instance his/her profession (or for any
> other reason, as knowledge is the key to wisdom).
>
> I therefor have come to the conclusion that there must be something wrong
> with the psyche of this person because our e-mail history shows a
recurring
> pattern of arguments, irritations, fights, and finally insults and all
these
> have to do with the same person and the very same subject : a different
> tuning, being 'supposedly' under attack.
>
> I am not a shrink, but after all those years of fiery and displeasing
e-mail
> fights with the same person, always in the middle, we can not deny that
> something must be wrong here with this one person.
> I have been a subscriber to this list for a long time (sometimes on and
> off), so I do have some e-mail knowledge of the personalities involved in
> this group. I am more than convinced that most, if not all, are hard
working
> and pleasant technicians, given the fact that they take an active and
> positive part on the list, and as a professional in the field.
> I am more than convinced that nobody is 'out for your blood' because you
are
> so happy with that special tuning.
> On the other hand, this is a public forum for piano techs so it is
> unavoidable that discussions arise, that is the nature of this forum: to
> discuss piano technical related issues.
>
> I therefor would like to give some humble advice......
> Ask yourself this :
> why do I have to defend myself so often on this list?
> Why do I spend hours on writing e-mail letters in which I tell others that
> they are wrong, that they are mean, that they know nothing about it all,
> that it is time they should fade out and come back when they have reached
my
> level or altitude?
>
> When we ponder enough, and long enough, on these questions it might be, no
> it - IS - possible to acquire at least some self-knowledge.
> Through self-knowledge, we have the ability to rise a little above
> ourselves. When we rise a little above ourselves, we get a broader view,
we
> see ourselves more clear and distinct, and, we can also see others at the
> same time in connection and relation to ourselves.
> I myself make many many mistakes all the time, but if I am not able to
> recognize my own patterns how could I ever learn from my errors?
>
> Lastly....
> I am nobody's adversary. I wish to be friends with everyone and it would
be
> nice to be able to discuss piano technical related issues here in a normal
> manner, without irritations and hurtful misunderstandings.
>
> friendly greetings
> from
>
> Antares,
>
> Amsterdam, Holland
>
> "where music is, no harm can be"
>
> visit my website at :  http://www.concertpianoservice.nl/
>
>
>