Air Piano (was Air Car)

[Erwinspiano@AOL.COM]

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In a message dated 3/3/2002 10:13:17 AM Pacific Standard Time, 
Billbrpt@AOL.COM writes:


> Subj:Air Piano (was Air Car) 
> Date:3/3/2002 10:13:17 AM Pacific Standard Time
> From:<A HREF="mailto:Billbrpt@AOL.COM">Billbrpt@AOL.COM</A>
> Reply-to:<A HREF="mailto:pianotech@ptg.org">pianotech@ptg.org</A>
> To:<A HREF="mailto:pianotech@ptg.org">pianotech@ptg.org</A>
> Sent from the Internet 
> 
>                   Bill
             Excellent cynicism!!
              >>>>Dale>....

> 
> Hey!  How about an Air Piano?  One that tunes itself all by means of 
> compressed air stored in tanks right next to the humidifier!  On each 
> tuning pin, there will be a permanently installed socket operated by an air 
> powered solenoid.  All you'll have to do before playing the piano (which 
> means inserting the disk and pressing the "Play" button because nobody will 
> need or have time to learn to play the piano anymore), is move the dial 
> indicator to the "Tune" mode and press "Start". 
> 
> The whole process is expected to take only 3 or 4 minutes.  Over each 
> unison, there will be a magnetic pickup which will sense the pitch or the 
> string as it is.  The Player System's special tune disc will play each note 
> (starting on A0 and continuing through to C88) and feed the signal into a 
> permanently installed tuning system based on a hybrid combination of the 
> SAT, RCT, Tunelab and Verituner but all installed out of sight and out of 
> mind. 
> 
> The tuning program will send a signal to the air powered solenoid which 
> will instantly adjust the pitch of the string to the desired, programmed 
> choice with a quick, jarring movement similar to that of the impact tuning 
> hammer.  The difference between the new, high tech, auto tuning and the old 
> fashioned manual tuning will be that the Air Piano's tuning system will get 
> it right the first time and every time and you won't have a bill to pay! 
> 
> You won't be limited to ET either.  The tuning system comes with a disc 
> with all of the known tuning and temperament arrangements ever conceived 
> (except for the outlawed 1/7 Comma Meantone and EBVT) from Pythagorean to 
> 19 TET.  Included will be the meanest of the Meantones (except the 1/7), 
> the Thomas Young and the Thomas not so young, morphed into the Vallotti 
> with three fold Wolf substitution, the Marpurgs A-Z, the best and the worst 
> of the Broadwoods, including the usual, all the way to ET with pure 5ths 
> and of course the good ol' ET with not so pure 5ths.  You'll even have the 
> choice of a mild Reverse Well for pieces by Chopin if that suits your 
> taste. 
> 
> The new Air Pianos are expected to be on display at the Winter NAMM show of 
> 2020.  The expected cost of the Air Piano Auto Tuning System will only be 
> $350 in addition to the usual cost of the piano.  The amazingly low cost 
> will be due to cheap labor from Afghanistan whose entire society is willing 
> to work for an average wage of about $1 a month, never having known 
> anything better. 
> 
> Further expected developments in the new Air Pianos will be self cleaning, 
> self aligning and self regulating systems.  The industry foresees no need 
> for self key leveling systems because the piano which by this time will be 
> completely automatic, will have no need for manual play.  Instead, there 
> will be some imitation plastic keys which will never need leveling but will 
> also have no function except the nostalgic one for people who remember when 
> pianos used to have to be manually played and serviced. 
> 
> The inventor is Mr. Otto Keys of Peoria, Illinois.  His idea has been 
> purchased by Kimball International, a hugely successful company with very 
> deep pockets who has decided to reenter the piano business after a long 
> hiatus.  "We don't plan on retrofitting any of our old product, they're 
> obsolete", says CEO Robert Wisenheimer who recently came on board after 
> leaving his position at Dial Soap.  "We're introducing an entirely new 
> product line where none of the mistakes of the past will be repeated".   
> 
> Bill Bremmer RPT 
> Madison, 


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