Martha will NOT be dining with us this year.

[Alan R. Barnard]

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Thanks ... great stuff.  Alan in Salem

  ----- Original Message -----=20
  From: Greg Newell=20
  To: pianotech@ptg.org ; MPT@philbondi.com=20
  Sent: Thursday, November 28, 2002 5:57 PM
  Subject: Fw: Martha will NOT be dining with us this year.




  Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!!!



  Greg Newell






     Thanksgiving=20


    Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. I'm =
telling
    you=20
    in advance, so don't act surprised.=20
    Since Ms. Stewart won't be coming, I've made a few small changes:=20


    Our sidewalk will not be lined with homemade, paper bag luminaries.=20
    After a=20
    trial  run, it was decided that no matter how cleverly done, rows of
    flaming=20
    lunch sacks do not have the desired welcoming effect.=20

    Once inside, our guests will note that the entry hall is not =
decorated
    with=20
    the swags of Indian corn and fall foliage I had planned to make.=20

    Instead, I've gotten the kids involved in the decorating by having =
them
    track=20
    in colorful autumn leaves from the front yard.=20
    The mud was their idea.=20

    The dining table will not be covered with expensive linens, fancy =
china,
    or=20
    crystal goblets.
     If possible, we will use dishes that match and everyone=20
    will get a fork.=20
    Since this IS Thanksgiving, we will refrain from using the plastic =
Peter=20
    Rabbit plate and the Santa napkins from last Christmas.=20

    Our centerpiece will not be the tower of fresh fruit and flowers =
that I=20
    promised. Instead we will be displaying a hedgehog-like decoration=20
    hand-crafted from the finest construction paper.=20
    The artist assures me  it is a turkey.=20

    We will be dining fashionably late. The children will entertain you =
while
    you=20
    wait. I'm sure they will be happy to share every choice comment I =
have
    made=20
    regarding Thanksgiving, pilgrims and the turkey hotline.=20
    Please remember that most of these comments were made at=20
    5:00 a.m. upon discovering that the turkey was still hard enough to =
cut=20
    diamonds.=20

    As accompaniment to the children's recital, I will play a recording =
of
    tribal=20
    drumming.=20
    If the children should mention that I don't own a recording of =
tribal=20
    drumming, or that tribal drumming sounds suspiciously like a frozen
    turkey in=20
    a clothes dryer, ignore them. They are lying.=20


    We toyed with the idea of ringing a dainty silver bell to announce =
the
    start=20
    of our feast. In the end, we chose to keep our traditional method.=20

    We've also decided against a formal seating arrangement. When the =
smoke
    alarm=20
    sounds, please gather around the table and sit where you like.=20
    In the spirit of harmony, we will ask the children to sit at a =
separate=20
    table. In a separate room. Next door.=20


    Now, I know you have all seen pictures of one person carving a =
turkey  in

    front of a crowd of appreciative onlookers.=20
    This will not be happening at our dinner.=20
    For safety reasons, the turkey will be carved in a private ceremony. =
I
    stress=20
    "private" meaning:=20
    Do not, under any circumstances, enter the kitchen to laugh at me. =
Do not

    send small, unsuspecting children to check on my progress.
     I have an electric knife. The turkey is unarmed.=20

    It stands to reason that I will eventually win. When I do, we will =
eat.=20

    I would like to take this opportunity to remind my young diners that
    "passing=20
    the rolls" is not a football play.=20
    Nor is it a request to bean your sister in the head with warm tasty
    bread.=20

    Before I forget, there is one last change.=20
    Instead of offering a choice between 12 different scrumptious =
desserts,
    we=20
    will be serving the traditional pumpkin pie, garnished with whipped =
cream
    and=20
    small fingerprints.=20
    You will still have a choice; take it or leave it.=20

    Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving!



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  Greg Newell
  mailto:gnewell@ameritech.net=20



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