OT More Realistic Test was RE: tuning exam in U.S.

[bruce greig]

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Alan, Thanks for the humor - some days there just isn't enough  -  =
actually, I did take my tuning exam on a Yamaha vertical without benefit =
of acutuner - just 3 pairs of RPT ears.  Bruce
  ----- Original Message -----=20
  From: Alan=20
  To: 'Pianotech'=20
  Sent: Sunday, June 22, 2003 12:51 AM
  Subject: OT More Realistic Test was RE: tuning exam in U.S.


  I think it would be a much more realistic test-with regard to the =
reality of the tuner's life--if we were required to tune a 1940's-1960's =
spinet (Betsy Ross, Winter & Sons, P.A. Stark or comparable). No =
Acusonics! Wurlitzers may suffice if they've been stored in a garage =
with broken windows in Louisiana or Saskatchewan for at least twenty =
years.

  =20

  The passing requirement would be that a panel of amateur musicians can =
recognize the sound of it as something at least sort of a little bit =
kind of musical in nature. If more than two panel members cry, moan, or =
run from the room, you flunk.=20

  =20

  And the selected piano would have to be in reasonable condition, =
defined as follows (additional rules interspersed):=20

  =20

    1.. No more than six missing strings; no more than two of which may =
be single bass strings. No more than five bichord sets may have strings =
that match in diameter, length of wrap, and degree of rustiness.=20
    2.. Some felt must be visible between hammer molding and strings on =
at least 1/3" of the treble notes. No more than 8 felts popped off bass =
hammers. Tenor hammer grooves less than =BD" deep, on average.=20
    3.. When played, bass strings must make some sort of noise that =
sustains for at least 0.27 seconds. If the hammer thwack reverberates =
this long, it must not be louder than the string noise.=20
    4.. At least one pedal must move up and down when pressed (sideways =
movement does not count but is otherwise allowed).=20
    5.. Broken key tops with sharp edges are allowed. The prospective =
RPT should have a supply of Band-Aids on hand or on foot. Band-Aids may =
NOT be used to repair or muffle any piano part!=20
    6.. When pressed, at least 37 keys must come back up within two =
minutes WITHOUT excessive help from the player. Thumping the piano with =
a fist is permitted; screw drivers and pry bars are not.=20
    7.. Bench must not completely collapse when sat upon by persons with =
average-sized, average weight buttocks.=20
    8.. Squeaks, rattles, and woody thunks must not be louder, on =
average, than played notes.=20
    9.. If the tuner is unable to open the lid, remove the front panel, =
or otherwise gain access to the tuning pins within three hours, he or =
she is permitted to ask the piano owner how the hell previous tuners did =
it.=20
    10.. If A4 is more than 153 cents sharp or flat, the tuner is =
allowed an extra ten minutes for a pitch adjustment but he must not =
charge the piano owner any extra for this.=20
    11.. Bridges must still be stuck to something inside the piano.=20
    12.. There must be no more than one inch of plastic elbow dust and =
mouse poop (combined) on the bottom board. Measurements will be taken in =
eleven locations and averaged. Dead spiders may be removed before =
measuring; leave the live ones alone. Local chapters may decide if snake =
skins and/or snakes may be removed or must be measured. Note: If the =
bottom board is missing or all debris has sifted through a humongous =
crack in the board, this requirement may be waved.=20
    13.. If the pinblock is in average condition or worse, the tuner is =
allowed an extra twenty minutes of tuning time and may use up to three =
liquids, four sheets of sandpaper, and a 2=BD lb. sledge hammer to fine =
tune the instrument. Note: If the tuner accidentally (or purposefully) =
affixes any protruding part of his or her body to any part of the piano =
or to any tool, he or she must continue with the test as best he or she =
can-using his or her other hand or doing it with his or her forehead =
"resting" on the bench, for example. The tuner is discouraged from =
holding tools with his or her teeth as this is considered undignified. =
If the tuner accidentally (or purposefully) affixes his or her teeth to =
any part of the piano, he or she is immediately disqualified and all =
observers will leave the room so the tuner can work out his or her =
problem.=20
    14.. Finally, there will be no effort made to "de-tune" the piano =
prior to the test as this process, however random or planned, would =
almost certainly make the piano sound better.=20
  =20

  Faked medical emergencies will not stop the test from proceeding!  If =
there appears to be actual loss of consciousness AND the skin assumes a =
deep blue color, the committee chairman may ask the judging panel to =
"hurry it along," just in case.

  =20

  Bribes are a private matter. It would be of questionable taste to =
discuss financial arrangements or flash any cash in front of the whole =
group. Personal checks will not be accepted. For your convenience, there =
will be credit card terminals in the back of the room on the table next =
to where the Grief Counselors and uninvited street bums are sitting. =
(The counselors will have special name tags, the bums will have ordinary =
name tags, just like yours.)

  =20

  And-this is important-during the test evaluation, the tuner (and any =
possible accomplices) are strictly forbidden from humming, whacking a =
chair leg with a spoon, or in any other manner trying to simulate (or =
cover up) sounds coming from the alleged piano.

  =20

  After all, we have our standards.

  =20

  Alan R. Barnard

  Salem, MO

  -----Original Message-----
  From: pianotech-bounces@ptg.org [mailto:pianotech-bounces@ptg.org] On =
Behalf Of Dave Nereson
  Sent: Saturday, June 21, 2003 10:05 PM
  To: Pianotech
  Subject: Re: tuning exam in U.S.

  =20

  =20

    ----- Original Message -----=20

    From: Alan Forsyth=20

    To: Pianotech=20

    Sent: Friday, June 20, 2003 1:49 PM

    Subject: Tuning narrow and wide

    =20

    Tony Caught, Adelaide Australia wrote;

    >>>"In America when you sit for a tuning exam, can you do the exam =
on a
    Yamaha U1 piano ?....">>>

    Probably the easiest piano in the world to tune aurally!

    No, our Piano Technicians Guild tuning exam requires a 6-foot or =
larger grand in reasonably good condition. =20

        --David Nereson, RPT





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