Customer Handout -- for review (and flameage)

[Don]

Hi Dave,

I'd go back to the drawing board and revise your document. Let it percolate
a week or so first. Here are some well meant suggestions.

The document contains "you" or "your" 20 times. Find a different word
and/or eliminate it. "Piano" is used 24 times, and "instrument" 4
times--try to substitute some other words. Spell out all numbers. "Tune" or
"tuned" is used 5 times. "Are", "will" and "can" are used 16
times--substitute "may" if possible, for example "Strings are still
stretching" would be better as "strings may be stretching". (After all, the
piano might have been properly prepped--and they "may not" be
stretching--the word "may" gives some leaway--are, will and can do not.)

"Of course" makes the assumption that the client understands their pianos
limitiations. It is best to never make such assumptions. "and" is used 14
times--try to eliminate some of those by making separate sentences.

This phrase is kind of a *circular referrence*--rewrite it--"In order to be
properly voiced, a piano needs to be well regulated and tuned to ensure
that the inconsistencies in tone are not because the piano is out of tune
or because the action plays unevenly".

Good luck with your re-write!

At 01:57 AM 6/3/2005 EDT, you wrote:
>   Hi All,        People who have just purchased instruments are happy to
>have  something to chew on, albeit piantech-Lite.     Feel free to use this
>in whole or in  part as a public resource (insert your name instead of
>mine, of course!)   Thanks for reading,   Dave Stahl

Regards,
Don Rose, B.Mus., A.M.U.S., A.MUS., R.P.T.
Non calor sed umor est qui nobis incommodat

mailto:pianotuna@yahoo.com	http://us.geocities.com/drpt1948/

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