Friday from Ragtime Bill

[hubert liverman]

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MessageUrrr...uhhh

What's short, green and stays out all night?
(same punch line)

Cheers!

Hubert Liverman
Opelika,AL.
  ----- Original Message -----=20
  From: Alan=20
  To: 'Pianotech'=20
  Sent: Friday, March 18, 2005 9:25 AM
  Subject: RE: Friday from Ragtime Bill


  Yeah, and who's the little Irishman living in your backyard?

  Patty O'Furniture.

  Alan R. Barnard
  Salem, MO
    -----Original Message-----
    From: pianotech-bounces@ptg.org [mailto:pianotech-bounces@ptg.org] =
On Behalf Of John Ross
    Sent: Friday, March 18, 2005 1:05 AM
    To: pianotech
    Subject: Fw: Friday from Ragtime Bill






    Sorry I didn't have these for yesterday:

    ST. PATRICK'S DAY GROANERS

    Q: Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day?
    A: Real rocks are too heavy.

    Q: Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?
    A: Because they're always a little short.

    Q: How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time?
    A: He's Dublin over with laughter!

    Q: What would you get if you crossed Christmas with St. Patrick's =
Day?
    A: St. O'Claus!

    Q: Are people jealous of the Irish?
    A: Sure, they're green with envy!

    Q: What would you get if you crossed Quasimodo with an Irish =
football player?
    A: The Halfback of Notre Dame!

    Q: Why are leprechauns so hard to get along with?
    A: Because they're very short-tempered!

    "I married an Irishman on St. Patrick's Day."
    "Oh, really?"
    "No, O'Reilly!"

    ------

    Cecil shares this one:

    To commemorate her 69th birthday on October 1, actress/vocalist =
Julie Andrews made a special appearance at Manhattan's Radio City Music =
Hall for the benefit of  the AARP. She changed (slightly) the lyrics to =
one of her favorite songs, as follows:=20

    "Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting,=20
    Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,=20
    Bundles of magazines tied up in string,=20
    These are a few of my favorite things.=20
    =20
    Cadillacs and cataracts and hearing aids and glasses,=20
    Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,=20
    Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,=20
    These are a few of my favorite things.=20
    =20
    When the pipes leak,=20
    When the bones creak,=20
    When the knees go bad,=20
    I simply remember my favorite things,=20
    And then I don't feel so bad.=20
    =20
    Hot tea and crumpets, and corn pads for bunions,=20
    No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,=20
    Bathrobes and heat pads and hot meals they bring,=20
    These are a few of my favorite things.=20
    =20
    Back pains, confused brains, and no fear of sinnin',=20
    Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin',=20
    And we won't mention our short shrunken frames,=20
    When we remember our favorite things.=20
    =20
    When the joints ache,=20
    when the hips break,=20
    When the eyes grow dim,=20
    Then I remember the great life I've had,=20
    And then I don't feel so bad."=20

    Ms. Andrews received a standing ovation from the crowd that lasted =
over four minutes and repeated encores.=20

    ------

    How To Keep Your Sanity

    Mary Simpson was almost crazy with her three kids. She complained to =
her best friend, "They're driving me nuts.  Such pests, they give me no =
rest and I'm half-way to the nut hatch."

    "What you need is a playpen to separate the kids from yourself," her =
friend said.

    So Mary bought a playpen. A few days later, her friend called to ask =
how things were going.

    "Superb! I can't believe it," Mary said. "I get in that playpen with =
a good book and the kids don't bother me one bit!"

    ------

    And finally,

    Eager to make her mark in the world of business, the attractive new =
MBA took a job as executive assistant to the middle-aged owner of a =
fast-growing computer software company. She found the work challenging =
and the travel interesting, but was extremely annoyed by her boss's =
tendency to treat her in public as though she were his girlfriend rather =
than a professional associate.

    This was especially irritating in restaurants, where he would insist =
on ordering for her, and on calling her Dearest or Darling within =
earshot of the waiters.=20

    When she told him how much it bothered her, he promised to stop, but =
the patronizing behavior continued. Finally, as he led her into a =
four-star restaurant, she took matters into her own hands.

    "Where would you like to sit, sweetheart?" he asked, with a wink at =
the maitre d'.

    "Gee," she replied, "anywhere you say, Dad."




    -$3 ("If you don't like the news, go out and make some.")


    --
    Internal Virus Database is out-of-date.
    Checked by AVG Anti-Virus.
    Version: 7.0.308 / Virus Database: 266.7.1 - Release Date: =
03/09/2005




  --
  Internal Virus Database is out-of-date.
  Checked by AVG Anti-Virus.
  Version: 7.0.308 / Virus Database: 266.7.1 - Release Date: 03/09/2005


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