<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD W3 HTML//EN">
<HTML>
<HEAD>
<META content=text/html;charset=iso-8859-1 =
http-equiv=Content-Type>
<META content='"MSHTML 4.72.3110.7"' name=GENERATOR>
</HEAD>
<BODY bgColor=#ffffff>
<DIV><FONT color=#000000 face="Comic Sans MS" size=4>OK, this has =
bothered me
for a few days now. It seems like there are some among you, I hate =
to use
the term, 'holier than thou' but it seems like that is what you =
mean</FONT><FONT
color=#000000 face="Comic Sans MS" size=4> . Do not take this =
spouting as
personal but rather in general.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#000000 face="Comic Sans MS" size=4>One person =
has come up with
how he and his spouse do all this stuff together as a family and this =
and
that. How they communicate so well together and how they both look =
after
each others interests . Then 2 days ago some one said that in =
their
case,"divorce was not an option". Here =
goes.
</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#000000 face="Comic Sans MS" size=4>How many =
people are you
guys aware of where divorce was an option ? </FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#000000 face="Comic Sans MS" size=4>Do you think =
it is an
option when it does happen?</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#000000 face="Comic Sans MS" size=4>. I =
submit that a
person may be doing everything they can that they think is good and =
right and it
can still happen. </FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#000000 face="Comic Sans MS"
size=4> In my case, the last =
10 years
I gave up going to PTG meetings so I could accompany my wife to go to =
her
chiropractic meetings where she rose to be an officer not only locally =
but
statewide . Did I do the wrong thing or do something selfish by =
giving up
what was an important thing for my career to make sure she was safe so =
she could
pursue her own career to a higher level?</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#000000 face="Comic Sans MS" size=4>. Did I =
invest
thousands of dollars a year to make sure her practice stayed afloat =
? Was
that selfish of me?. </FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#000000 face="Comic Sans MS" size=4></FONT><FONT =
color=#000000
face="Comic Sans MS" size=4>Did I act selfishly when I would take =
her and bring
her to work every day or follow her in my truck to make sure she would =
get home
after hours in the dark making my schedule conform to her schedule
?</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#000000 face="Comic Sans MS" size=4>. Was =
that being self
centered? Last fall I bought her a new laptop and several =
important
programs for her business out of my business money. Was that =
selfish in my
part? </FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#000000 face="Comic Sans MS" size=4>Was I looking =
out for
myself.? </FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#000000 face="Comic Sans MS" size=4>Did I not go =
to PTG
conventions so I would have the money so she could go to her conventions =
and
seminars. ?</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#000000 face="Comic Sans MS" size=4> Trust =
me, her
seminars and conventions are a lot more expensive than piano ones. =
</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#000000 face="Comic Sans MS" size=4>Did I not =
bring her Mom
into our family after her father died and considered her Mom to be my =
own after
1993. Did I not call her several times a day to check and make =
sure she
was OK at work?</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#000000 face="Comic Sans MS" size=4>. Did I =
not bring her
roses, presents always on birthdays and Valentines Day , including just
past?</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#000000 face="Comic Sans MS" size=4>. Did I not =
tell her that I
loved her over and over again through the days. of our =
lives?</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#000000 face="Comic Sans MS" size=4> Did I =
not
demonstrate the same to her in the many little ways that I have always
done? Did I not buy her own power tools so she could be creative =
and build
projects that were more intricate than my own?</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#000000 face="Comic Sans MS" size=4>. Did I =
not take care
of her dogs in clean up and feeding everyday as she was too tired or
busy? </FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#000000 face="Comic Sans MS" size=4> On and =
on.
</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#000000 face="Comic Sans MS" size=4>Where do you =
guys think
that divorce was an option for me?</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#000000 face="Comic Sans MS" size=4>. Where =
do you think
it became an option for her, the day before she told me she wanted a
divorce? Is that when it became an option, or was it after 30 =
years, or
after 20, or after 10, or 6 months? I submit that it is never an =
option
for anyone who is married. People change as they grow older. =
My wife
was a child bride when she married me and I was able to cope with her =
changes as
she went through them till now. As she is 50 (looks 30) now =
she
feels this is her last chance to finally fly on her own without =
me. She
has got to the point financially now where she can sort of be =
independent and
she is young enough to be attractive to others who may be able to do =
better for
her than myself. Who knows? </FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#000000 face="Comic Sans MS" size=4>How can this =
be, I don't
know, but it is the reality I am faced with. How to fall out of =
love with
a person I have loved most of my adult life and still have no reason to =
feel
otherwise other than she does not want ME anymore.. I am trying to =
find
how to do that very thing now.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#000000 face="Comic Sans MS" size=4></FONT><FONT
face="Comic Sans MS" size=4>Mine is not the only story here, =
as a
number of you poor souls have confided in me what you have went =
through.
Indeed, one young lady, who was also married to a doctor was on the =
dumpee end
like I am. She is a lurker on this list and from what she tells =
me, and I
have no reason to doubt, that she gave up much to further her husbands
career. She is a piano technician as well as a brilliant musician =
on a
number of different instruments at concert level performance ability . =
She is in
the process of trying to raise 2 lovely daughters as best she can. She =
tells me
her husband accused her of not "growing" Can you believe =
that?. This happens to both sexes and it is always a surprise for =
the
"dumpee". </FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face="Comic Sans MS" size=4> =
Consider it the
same as a surprise you get when a string breaks. After it breaks =
you try
to find the cause. There are some that you cannot figure =
out. I have
had cases where the string broke in the process of going flat, not =
sharp.
I have had others break and I was not even on their pin. It is =
always a
</FONT><FONT color=#000000 face="Comic Sans MS" =
size=4>surprise. Could it
be prevented, who knows. It is too late after it =
breaks.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#000000 face="Comic Sans MS" size=4></FONT><FONT
face="Comic Sans MS" size=4>So, life will go on for me somehow just =
as it is for
my new lady friend on this list as well as my gentleman friends. =
You do
the best you can under whatever circumstances you are faced with day to
day. </FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face="Comic Sans MS" size=4>This was for those of you who =
think it
cannot happen to you. Trust me, it can happen to you though I hope =
it
never does. Thanks for listening.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT color=#000000 face="Comic Sans MS" size=4>James Grebe =
<BR>R.P.T. and
M.P.T.<BR> from St.
Louis &n=
bsp; &nb=
sp;
<BR><A
href="mailto:pianoman@inlink.com">pianoman@inlink.com</A><BR> &nbs=
p;  =
;
Creator of:<BR> Handsome Hardwood Caster
Cups<BR>  =
;
and<BR>Practical Piano
Benches<BR>"Tranquility =
Base"<BR>E.T.A. April,
1999</FONT></DIV></BODY></HTML>