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<DIV>Dum, de, dum, dum ....</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>My name's Aweekago Friday. I'm a tuner.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>I work in the city (tiny). I'm just interested in the facts, Ma'am...</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>Dum, de, dum, dum ....</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>2:14 PM</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>Scene of the crime: 4-year-old Baldwin 243 H studio</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>Complainants: U.S. Army soldiers attending various services, Central Iowa Chapel, Fort Leonard Wood (Fort Lost-in-the-Woods), Missouri</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>Complaint: Loud, unpleasant rattling, buzzing sound when played.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>Victim: Bass string E1. </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>Sounds like his death rattle. We're losing him, Joe, ...</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>
<DIV>Dum, de, dum, dum ...</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>Who's Joe?</DIV></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>Suspect #1: Some part of DC system or another object touching string. </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>2:17 PM</DIV>
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<DIV>Investigation clears this suspect.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>Suspect #2: A Copper named "Winding" gone bad. Hate to see that.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>
<DIV>Dum, de, dum, dum ....</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>2:20 PM</DIV>
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<DIV>Squeezed the suspect hard; gave him a full twist; pinned him down; cranked up the tension. Hoped he'd sing.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>He didn't.</DIV>
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<DIV>2:22 PM </DIV>
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<DIV>Case has me rattled. </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>String sounds just fine until you get within about 20 cents of pitch. Then it goes nuts.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>I agree Ma'am, that is weird. Just give me the facts...</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>2:23 PM</DIV>
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<DIV>Removed all the tension; let him off the hook; made plans to send him to Mapes Morgue.</DIV>
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<DIV>2:24 PM</DIV>
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<DIV>Thought twice about it; called my string maker; he can make one from factory specs, we can leave the victim at the scene. It's a rotting thing to do, but ...</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>
<DIV>2:25 PM</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>Ordered new string; reinstalled the old string so there'd by some kind of noise at E1.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>2:27 PM</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>Brought string up to pitch. Sounds just fine! Sounds just dandy! No problems at all...</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>Huh?</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>There are some cases we never close the book on. Cases that leave you scratching your head. This has been one of them.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>
<DIV>Dum, de, dum, dum ....</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV></DIV>
<DIV>2:27 PM</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>Still scratching my head ...</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>I'm a tuner. It's what I do.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>Yes Ma'am, it's a weird business, sometimes ...</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>
<DIV>Dum, de, dum, dum ....</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>
<DIV>Dum, de, dum, dum ....</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>(Insert Commercial Here)</DIV></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>Alan Barnard</DIV></DIV>
<DIV>The Strange Head-Scratchin' Silly Sleuth from Salem, MO</DIV>
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