<html> For the Mom's among us. Could also apply to the Dad's too! <blockquote type=cite class=cite cite><blockquote type=cite class=cite cite> <dl> <dd>Hi:  This is hysterical. If it had been presented this way, none of us would <dd>have done it!!!! <dd>  <dd>POSITION: Mom, Mama, Mother <dd>  <dd>JOB DESCRIPTION: Long term team players needed for challenging <dd>permanent work in an often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess <dd>excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing <dd>to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and <dd>frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, <dd>including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless <dd>sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not <dd>reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required. <dd>  <dd>  <dd>RESPONSIBILITIES: For the rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, <dd>at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to <dd>bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack <dd>mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat <dd>in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just <dd>crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical <dd>challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and <dd>stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and <dd>coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to <dd>plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and <dd>mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an <dd>embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety <dd>testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys and battery operated <dd>devices. <dd>Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. <dd>Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end <dd>product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and <dd>janitorial work throughout the facility. <dd>  <dd>  <dd>POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT AND PROMOTION: Virtually none. Your job is to <dd>remain in the same position for years, without complaining, <dd>constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your <dd>charge can ultimately surpass you. <dd>  <dd>  <dd>PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: None required, unfortunately. On-the-job <dd>training offered on a continually exhausting basis. <dd>  <dd>  <dd>WAGES AND COMPENSATION: You pay them! Offering frequent raises and <dd>bonuses. <dd>A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the <dd>assumption that college will help them become financially independent. <dd>When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing <dd>about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish <dd>you could only do more. <dd>  <dd>  <dd>BENEFITS: While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no <dd>tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; <dd>this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth <dd>and free hugs for life if you play your cards right. <dd>  <dd>  <dd>Forward this on to all the moms you know, in appreciation for everything <dd>they do on a daily basis, and let them know they are appreciated. <dd>  <dd>  <dd>I THINK,   THERE FORE I AM... .. .. IN TROUBLE!!!!</blockquote> <x-sigsep></x-sigsep> </dl>Greg Newell <a href="mailto:gnewell@ameritech.net" eudora="autourl">mailto:gnewell@ameritech.net</a></html>