<HTML><FONT FACE=arial,helvetica><FONT SIZE=3 FAMILY="SERIF" FACE="Book Antiqua" LANG="0">List,<BR>
<BR>
This showed up in today's Chicago Tribune, and I couldn't resist passing it on, as it has no politico-religious content (that I was able to detect, though my internal sensors may be burnt out after the past day or two)!<BR>
<BR>
This is a listing of proposed new pharmaceuticals:<BR>
<BR>
<B>Placebodiddley </B>When you really don't have the blues.<BR>
<B>Ozzycontin </B>For excessive shakes caused by painful bat bites.<BR>
<B>Valiumpire </B>For bad calls at Cubs games. <BR>
<B>Excedrintintin </B>For nagging headaches caused by chasing parked cars.<BR>
<B>Mexlax </B>Cure for burrito build-up.<BR>
<B>Rograin </B>Guaranteed to regrow cornrows.<BR>
<B>Ibejivin</B> For treating compulsive liars.<BR>
<B>Notmijobitol </B>For treating workaholics.<BR>
<B>Laterderium </B>An antidote for Viagra.<BR>
<B>Ferrobulerin </B>Makes a day at work feel like a day off.<BR>
<B>Werzitol </B>Helps people remember where they left things.<BR>
<B>'Fro-gaine </B>Hair replacement treatment for those who want to look like Gabe Kaplan (c. the "Welcome Back, Kotter" years).<BR>
<B>Kwitcherbellyakinal </B>Relief for those who suffer from Chronic Complaint Syndrome.<BR>
<B>Aleevaheave </B>For nausea control.<BR>
<B>Rembrital </B>For early relief of Alzheimer's symptoms.<BR>
<B>Sanegan </B>For schizophrenia.<BR>
<B>Urthinagin </B>A new diet pill.<BR>
<B>Ustaythin </B>Another new diet pill, possibly a followup therapy.<BR>
<B>Urupagin </B>Caffeine substitute.<BR>
<B>Binsadinol </B>For treatment of depression.<BR>
<B>Phillips' Milk of Amnesia </B>For memory loss.<BR>
<B>Easy Glum, Easy Glow </B>For treatment of manic-depressive disorder.<BR>
<B>Innuendo </B>A suppository (suitable as a carrier of a variety of medications).<BR>
<B>Excremints </B>(Self-explanatory....I don't want to go into it...)<BR>
<B>Smelltherozak </B>Treatment for depression.<BR>
<B>Peptodismal </B>For when you feel just plain sick.<BR>
<B>Incognitosin </B>Renders you unrecognizable to others--rumored to have been taken for years by Elvis.....<BR>
<B>Nickletrol </B>An affordable 16-hour step-down patch.<BR>
<B>Hicotrol </B>A 16-hour count-down hiccup patch.<BR>
<B>Pickotrol </B>A 16-hour calm-down patch for nagging.<BR>
<B>Sickotrol </B>A 16-hour get-well patch.<BR>
<B>TeleBan </B>Treatment for Couch Potato Syndrome.<BR>
<B>AwLeave </B>Treatment for departure anxiety.<BR>
<B>Seat'n'all </B>A weight-loss preparation.<BR>
<B>Bothox </B>Botox for twins.<BR>
<B>Triamedic </B>General pain reliever for use while searching for a physician.<BR>
<B>Whereamiacin </B>For use by the directionally-challenged.<BR>
<B>Whatsnexium </B>For anxiety relief.<BR>
<B>Barfbaginol </B>For air-sickness.<BR>
<B>Procrastanix </B>For couch potatoes and burnouts, take daily for motivation.<BR>
<B>ExLags </B>For help in moving through security checkpoints.<BR>
<B>SueDaFeds </B>Relieves governmental stuffiness.<BR>
<BR>
Warning: Toxicity of some of the above preparations has not as yet been determined.........proceed at your own risk!<BR>
<BR>
Stan Ryberg<BR>
Barrington IL<BR>
Associate Member<BR>
<U>mailto:jstan40@aol.com</U></FONT></HTML>