<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.0 Transitional//EN"> <HTML><HEAD> <META HTTP-EQUIV="Content-Type" CONTENT="text/html; = charset=windows-1250"> <TITLE>Message</TITLE> <META content="MSHTML 6.00.2900.2604" name=GENERATOR> <STYLE></STYLE> </HEAD> <BODY id=role_body style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: #000000; = FONT-FAMILY: Arial" bottomMargin=7 bgColor=#ffffff leftMargin=7 topMargin=7 = rightMargin=7> <DIV><SPAN class=093412215-18032005>Yeah, and who's the little = Irishman living in your backyard?</SPAN></DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=093412215-18032005></SPAN> </DIV> <DIV><SPAN class=093412215-18032005>Patty O'Furniture.</SPAN></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV align=left>Alan R. Barnard</DIV> <DIV align=left>Salem, MO</DIV> <BLOCKQUOTE dir=ltr style="MARGIN-RIGHT: 0px"> <DIV></DIV> <DIV class=OutlookMessageHeader lang=en-us dir=ltr = align=left><FONT face=Tahoma>-----Original Message-----<BR><B>From:</B> pianotech-bounces@ptg.org [mailto:pianotech-bounces@ptg.org] <B>On = Behalf Of </B>John Ross<BR><B>Sent:</B> Friday, March 18, 2005 1:05 = AM<BR><B>To:</B> pianotech<BR><B>Subject:</B> Fw: Friday from Ragtime = Bill<BR><BR></FONT></DIV> <DIV><STRONG><FONT size=3></FONT></STRONG> </DIV> <DIV><BR></DIV><FONT id=role_document face=Arial size=2><FONT = id=role_document face=Arial size=2> <DIV><BR><EM>Sorry I didn't have these for yesterday:</EM></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><STRONG>ST. PATRICK'S DAY GROANERS</STRONG></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV>Q: Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day?<BR>A: Real = rocks are too heavy.</DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV>Q: Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?<BR>A: Because = they're always a little short.</DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV>Q: How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time?<BR>A: = He's Dublin over with laughter!</DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV>Q: What would you get if you crossed Christmas with St. Patrick's = Day?<BR>A: St. O'Claus!</DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV>Q: Are people jealous of the Irish?<BR>A: Sure, they're green = with envy!</DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV>Q: What would you get if you crossed Quasimodo with an Irish = football player?<BR>A: The Halfback of Notre Dame!</DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV>Q: Why are leprechauns so hard to get along with?<BR>A: Because = they're very short-tempered!</DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV>"I married an Irishman on St. Patrick's Day."<BR>"Oh, = really?"<BR>"No, O'Reilly!"</DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV>------</DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><EM>Cecil shares this one:</EM></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV>To commemorate her 69th birthday on October 1, actress/vocalist = Julie Andrews made a special appearance at Manhattan's Radio City Music Hall = for the benefit of  the AARP. She changed (slightly) the lyrics to one of = her favorite songs, as follows: </DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV>"Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting, <BR>Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings, <BR>Bundles of magazines tied up in = string, <BR>These are a few of my favorite things. <BR> <BR>Cadillacs and = cataracts and hearing aids and glasses, <BR>Polident and Fixodent and = false teeth in glasses, <BR>Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings, <BR>These are a few of my favorite things. <BR> <BR>When the = pipes leak, <BR>When the bones creak, <BR>When the knees go bad, <BR>I simply = remember my favorite things, <BR>And then I don't feel so bad. <BR> <BR>Hot = tea and crumpets, and corn pads for bunions, <BR>No spicy hot food or food = cooked with onions, <BR>Bathrobes and heat pads and hot meals they bring, = <BR>These are a few of my favorite things. <BR> <BR>Back pains, confused brains, = and no fear of sinnin', <BR>Thin bones and fractures and hair that is = thinnin', <BR>And we won't mention our short shrunken frames, <BR>When we = remember our favorite things. <BR> <BR>When the joints ache, <BR>when the hips = break, <BR>When the eyes grow dim, <BR>Then I remember the great life I've = had, <BR>And then I don't feel so bad." </DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV>Ms. Andrews received a standing ovation from the crowd that = lasted over four minutes and repeated encores. </DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV>------</DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><STRONG>How To Keep Your Sanity</STRONG></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV>Mary Simpson was almost crazy with her three kids. She complained = to her best friend, "They're driving me nuts.  Such pests, they give me = no rest and I'm half-way to the nut hatch."</DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV>"What you need is a playpen to separate the kids from yourself," = her friend said.</DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV>So Mary bought a playpen. A few days later, her friend called to = ask how things were going.</DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV>"Superb! I can't believe it," Mary said. "I get in that playpen = with a good book and the kids don't bother me one bit!"</DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV>------</DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><EM>And finally,</EM></DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV>Eager to make her mark in the world of business, the attractive = new MBA took a job as executive assistant to the middle-aged owner of a = fast-growing computer software company. She found the work challenging and the = travel interesting, but was extremely annoyed by her boss's tendency to treat = her in public as though she were his girlfriend rather than a professional associate.</DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV>This was especially irritating in restaurants, where he would = insist on ordering for her, and on calling her Dearest or Darling within earshot = of the waiters. </DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV>When she told him how much it bothered her, he promised to stop, = but the patronizing behavior continued. Finally, as he led her into a = four-star restaurant, she took matters into her own hands.</DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV>"Where would you like to sit, sweetheart?" he asked, with a wink = at the maitre d'.</DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV>"Gee," she replied, "anywhere you say, Dad."</DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV><BR>-$3 ("If you don't like the news, go out and make some.")</DIV></FONT></FONT><BR> <P><FONT size=2>--<BR>Internal Virus Database is = out-of-date.<BR>Checked by AVG Anti-Virus.<BR>Version: 7.0.308 / Virus Database: 266.7.1 - = Release Date: 03/09/2005<BR></FONT></P></BLOCKQUOTE></BODY></HTML> <BR> <P><FONT SIZE=2>--<BR> Internal Virus Database is out-of-date.<BR> Checked by AVG Anti-Virus.<BR> Version: 7.0.308 / Virus Database: 266.7.1 - Release Date: = 03/09/2005<BR> </FONT> </P>