<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.0 Transitional//EN"> <HTML><HEAD> <META http-equiv=Content-Type content="text/html; charset=US-ASCII"> <META content="MSHTML 6.00.2800.1106" name=GENERATOR></HEAD> <BODY id=role_body style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: #000000; FONT-FAMILY: = Verdana" bottomMargin=7 leftMargin=7 topMargin=7 rightMargin=7><FONT id=rol= e_document face=Verdana color=#000000 size=3> <DIV> <DIV>Don,</DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV>Thanks for your constructive criticism.  This is exactly why I sen= t this to da list.  In re-reading the handout through more objective eyes= , I can see the repetition of words that my subjective eyes filtered out.  "You," "piano," "and," etc, as well as some redundant and circular phrases.</DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV>Version B will be forthcoming shortly.</DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV>Dave S.</DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV>In a message dated 6/3/05 2:28:10 AM Pacific Daylight Time, pianotuna@yahoo.com writes:</DIV> <BLOCKQUOTE style="PADDING-LEFT: 5px; MARGIN-LEFT: 5px; BORDER-LEFT: blue 2px solid"><= FONT style="BACKGROUND-COLOR: transparent" face=Arial color=#000000 size= =2>Hi Dave,<BR><BR>I'd go back to the drawing board and revise your document. Le= t it percolate<BR>a week or so first. Here are some well meant suggestions.<BR><BR>The document contains "you" or "your" 20 times. Find a= different word<BR>and/or eliminate it. "Piano" is used 24 times, and "instrument" 4<BR>times--try to substitute some other words. Spell out all= numbers. "Tune" or<BR>"tuned" is used 5 times. "Are", "will" and "can" are= used 16<BR>times--substitute "may" if possible, for example "Strings are still<BR>stretching" would be better as "strings may be stretching". (Afte= r all, the<BR>piano might have been properly prepped--and they "may not" be<BR>stretching--the word "may" gives some leaway--are, will and can do not.)<BR><BR>"Of course" makes the assumption that the client understands their pianos<BR>limitiations. It is best to never make such assumptions. "= and" is used 14<BR>times--try to eliminate some of those by making separate sentences.<BR><BR>This phrase is kind of a *circular referrence*--rewrite it--"In order to be<BR>properly voiced, a piano needs to be well regulated= and tuned to ensure<BR>that the inconsistencies in tone are not because the pi= ano is out of tune<BR>or because the action plays unevenly".<BR><BR>Good luck = with your re-write!<BR><BR>At 01:57 AM 6/3/2005 EDT, you wrote:<BR>> &n= bsp; Hi All,        People who have just purchased instrume= nts are happy to<BR>>have  something to chew on, albeit piantech-Lite.     Feel free to use this<BR>>in whole or= in  part as a public resource (insert your name instead of<BR>>min= e, of course!)   Thanks for reading,   Dave Stahl<BR><BR>Regards,<BR>Don Rose, B.Mus., A.M.U.S., A.MUS., R.P.T.<BR>Non= calor sed umor est qui nobis incommodat<BR><BR>mailto:pianotuna@yahoo.com    http://us.geocities.com/drpt1948/<BR><BR>3004 Grant Rd. REGINA, SK, S4S 5G7<BR>306-352-3620 or 1-888-29t-uner<BR><BR></FONT></BLOCKQUOTE></DIV> <DIV></DIV> <DIV> </DIV></FONT></BODY></HTML>