WerkmeisterIII - Thanks

Otto Keyes okeyes@uidaho.edu
Mon, 19 Jul 2004 14:49:03 -0700


Ah yes, a cogent issue raised by my namesake, Otto von Schnitzenhoffer in
his monumental, though little know work, "Helmholz und die Zen von
Klavierbauren".  As you can see from the title, his tome was written in an
obscure Bavarian dialect, which is probably why it never got the recognition
it deserved.  I, in fact, am probably the only individual in modern history
to have dug it up from its hidden burial ground and perused it in its
original dialect, prior to having buried it again for safe keeping.....only
to have forgotten the exact place of re-burial.  As you might imagine, this
makes it somewhat difficult to cite page numbers for authentication,
however, all great masters have encountered this problem now & zen, and is
an objection to be ignored.

Schnitzenhoffer postulates that Helmholz secretly journeyed to Tibet to
study Buddhism in a monastery high in the Himalayas -- most likely the one
made famous by the crotchety tigers and hubris dragons.  He actually came to
piano tuning via the circuitous route of a metaphysical journey through the
great OooooHmmmm.  In fact, he was about to take a dive off the bridge for a
flight into the universal mind (having lost his from inhaling a bit too much
incense, smoking funny cigarettes, & chanting his mantras off-key --
besides, it was foggy & he couldn't see the rocks at the bottom) when he
tripped over one of those peculiar 3-string guitars which some other devotee
had carelessly abandoned on the bridge while doing his pre-flight.

This unfortunate event triggered a moment of nostalgia in which he saw
himself back home in the parlour watching the ill-tempered piano tuner labor
over the WerkmeisterIII,  At that moment, Herr Helmholz was robbed of his
Nirvana and condemned to a life of piano tuning.  He developed his
now-famous equal temperament, which was absolutely relative, not realizing
that this was a contradiction in terms.  While not truly universal, it was
pitched all over the world as a relatively universally accepted tuning
scheme, thereby rendering it an easy target for the attacks of various
neo-classical schools of tonal modality which tend to do battle with such
vehemence & frequency that it hertz.  Had he known the controversy his
theories would engender for future generations of pin benders, he might have
pitched the funny looking guitar into the precipice, or dived off with it
into his Nirvana, though that would have ended in a sour note a few seconds
later at the bottom of the abyss.  (Signs are now posted at the bridge which
ensure that debris is now disposed of, prior to pre-flight.  The grumbling
of the monks at having to haul all the extra junk out of the bottom of the
gorge was beginning to disturb the tranquility of the monastery, so now, not
only can't you take it with you, but it has to disposed of in a ecologically
friendly manner in order to avoid polluting Nirvana.)  For good or ill,
Helmholz was pitched back into reality by this moment of nostalgia, and
later returned to his homeland.  The rest of the story is written in the
normal history books.

Just an interesting side note.  After this incident, Helmholz took up the
serious study of the martial arts while meditating on the notes his toe had
struck on the bridge.  It was due to this regimen that he learned his pin &
string setting technique for rock-solid tunings.  (Apparently Beethoven
heard of this legendary technique & tried it on a lesser quality piano to
disastrous results.)

This, of course, leads us to the last book Schnitzenhoffer published, "Zen
und Nou", which was a memoir; all copies of which were burned (save one) in
the Dresden riots incited by Wagner & his cronies.  This was another
monumental work in which Schnitzenhoffer realized the tenuous grip
proponents of absolute relativism have on sanity and reality, given the fact
that this particular worldview gives equal validity to "truths" which are in
direct contradiction to one another, thereby negating truth for both (except
that which happens to agree with the proponent's particular prejudice).
Accepting the fact that he could swallow neither the tenants of relativism
nor the emerging philosophy of revolution, superman & anarchy espoused by
Wagner& his philosophical/musical progeny; but unwilling to return to the
teaching of either the Roman Church or those espoused by Luther & the
Reformation, he elected to bury the remaining two extant copies of his books
& end it all by letting Elmer Fudd "Kill da wabbit", and taking his own dive
off the bridge into the cosmic, yet very real, Danube.

This second book was found with the first, and, unfortunately, buried with
the other in a "safe place where I won't lose it!", like many of my tools.
How I was led to these obscure buried manuscripts is a tale of its
own!!........but, alas, I have forgotten that as well....

Disclaimer!!!!:  Chronology of the above events may, or may not, appear to
be historically accurate.  The relatively simple task of research & counting
is left to the discerning reader.

Otto


----- Original Message -----
From: "Doug Atkins" <ATKINSD@cedarville.edu>
To: <caut@ptg.org>
Sent: Monday, July 19, 2004 7:34 AM
Subject: Re: WerkmeisterIII - Thanks


> Otto,
>
>  If E.T. is the "universal" temperament, is it not at "home" wherever
> it may be?  ; )
>
> Doug Atkins
> Registered Piano Technician
> Cedarville University
> 937.766.7566
> atkinsd@cedarville.edu
>
> >>> okeyes@uidaho.edu 7/15/2004 4:38:48 PM >>>
> ET come home!
>
> Otto
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Jim Busby" <jim_busby@byu.edu>
> To: "College and University Technicians" <caut@ptg.org>
> Sent: Thursday, July 15, 2004 1:23 PM
> Subject: RE: WerkmeisterIII - Thanks
>
>
> > Doug, Richard, Ed, and Dafydd,
> >
> > Thanks, all, for your help with the Werkmeister III. I found a copy
> of
> > Owen J's book but couldn't find a clear "how to".
> >
> > As a side note, several of our faculty now want this and other WTs
> on
> > their pianos. (Especially those into composition, for some reason.)
> > Maybe I've created a monster! :-)
> >
> > Thanks again,
> > Jim Busby
> >
> > -----Original Message-----
> > From: caut-bounces@ptg.org [mailto:caut-bounces@ptg.org] On Behalf
> Of
> > Doug Atkins
> > Sent: Thursday, July 15, 2004 10:50 AM
> > To: caut@ptg.org
> > Subject: WerkmeisterIII
> >
> > Werkmeister III
> >
> > 1.  C4 to a fork   (or down an octave from C5 if you don't have C4
> > fork)
> >
> > 2.  C4   F4   4th*
> >
> > 3.  C4   F3   5th*   (check the F3 F4 octave)
> >
> > 4.   F4   A#3   5th
> >
> > 5.   F3   A#3   4th   (this step is only a check)
> >
> > 6.   A#3    D#4   4th
> >
> > 7.   D#4    G#3   5th
> >
> > 8.   G#3   C#4   4th
> >
> > 9.   C#4   F#3   5th
> >
> > 10.   C#4   F#4   4th   (check F#3   F#4 octave)
> >
> > 11.   A#3    D4   M3rd
> >
> > 12.   Sharpen D4 until  A#3   D4 beats the same as D4    F#4
> >
> > 13.   D4   G3   5th
> >
> > 14.   Sharpen G3 until G3   D4 beats the same as G3   C4
> >
> > 15.   F3   A3   M3rd
> >
> > 16.   Sharpen A3 untill F3   A3 beats the same as A3   D4
> >
> > 17.   A3   E4   5th
> >
> > 18.    E4   B3   4th
> >
> >
> > *4ths and 5ths are tuned perfect unless otherwise noted.
> >
> > Jim,
> >
> >   I tune a few of our practice room pianos with this temperament. I
> > have two Boston 163's in adjacent rooms. Very few students can
> > distinguish that there is a different tuning on the two pianos.
> After
> > they have been made aware of the differences, some can hear the
> subtle
> > color variations.
> >   Have fun : )
> >
> >
> >
> > Doug Atkins
> > Registered Piano Technician
> > Cedarville University
> > 937.766.7566
> > atkinsd@cedarville.edu
> > _______________________________________________
> > caut list info: https://www.moypiano.com/resources/#archives
> > _______________________________________________
> > caut list info: https://www.moypiano.com/resources/#archives
>
> _______________________________________________
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