Wooleyes News Service

[Ron Torrella]

I guess I'll let y'all in on a product I've been secretly test marketing
for the last several years.  It's called Eau de Tuned-Piano.

I'm sure all of you have that *one* customer--usually a piano teacher in
his/her mid-70s-- who insists that you come back and touch up your tuning
after only two weeks have passed.  After this happened to me several
times, each time being met with a perfect tuning ("You know, it's the
*strangest* thing!  *Now* it sounds just perfect," they say as you walk
into the house.), I began to wonder if the aroma of the technician's
tuning kit had something to do with the customer's perception of a good
tuning.

To test my hypothesis, I left a "spare" toolkit behind several times,
explaining that doing so would save me a trip to the shop on my way to
their house.  Surprisingly, each time I left the toolkit behind, I didn't
hear from them for six months. And, of course, the piano really *did* need
tuning then.

Acting on a hunch, I had a chemist friend of mine mix up a fragrance that
approximated the scent of my toolbox.  I figured I could put Eau de
Tuned-Piano on the keys, keyslip, cheekblocks and fallboard--areas no
pianist will dare clean.  Preliminary field testing seems to indicate that
Eau de Tuned-Piano will keep your customer's piano smelling freshly tuned.
Just the way they want it!  Just to raise the stakes a little, I'm
experimenting with several look-alike technician's tools--screwdriver,
"rubber" mute (it's really just plastic--holds odors better than rubber)
and Yamaha grand drop screw regulator.  These tools can be "left behind,"
loaded with a six month supply of timed-release formula Eau de Tuned-Piano.

Eau de Tuned-Piano fragrance comes with a kit so it can be tailored to match
individual technicians' scents.

Eau de Tuned-Piano.  Go ahead!  Give your tunings that little extra touch.


Ron Torrella               "Ideal conversation must be an exchange of thought,
School of Music           and not, as many of those who worry most about their
University of Illinois    shortcomings believe, an eloquent exhibition of wit
                    or oratory." -- Emily Post, Etiquette