Just thought I'd contribute a few additional lyrics for the season. MERRY CHRISTMAS Phil Ryan Christmas Rage (Sung to the Tune of Jingle Bells) Dashing through the store looking for that certain gift If I don't find it My kid will have a fit (Wah Wah Wah) Then I see this guy grabbing the last one Now I am going to have to try to grab the toy and run Oh Christmas Rage, Christmas Rage Storming down the aisle No jury would convict in a murder trial. Hey Christmas Rage, Christmas Rage Stay out of my way. Take your hands off this toy or in the ground you'll stay. Uncle Joe (Sung to the tune of Let it snow) Oh his breath and his teeth are frightful And his large wine glass is quite full Wish he had a place to go Uncle Joe, Uncle Joe, Uncle Joe He'll be drunk before he gets here then start to drink all our beer. I'm hoping that his chunks won't blow. Uncle Joe, Uncle Joe, Drunken Joe Now he's telling a dirty story About twins named Kim and Laurie This is not what my kids should know Uncle Joe, Drunken Joe, Drunken Joe He passes out on the big chair snot thickened on his nose hair I'd like to toss him in the snow Drunken Joe, Drunken Joe, Drunken Joe Talking on a 1-900 Line (Sung to the tune of Winter Wonderland) Christmas Day and I'm lonely Have no friends and I'm homely As close as my phone I don't have to be alone talking on a 1-900 line When they answer, they'll ask me what I'm wearing I'll tell them it's mostly leather and it's brown They'll ask me if I'm married I'll say no, ma'am So you could give me a call if you're in town. The charges go on my Visa. All that time talking to Lisa My money's all gone It feels somehow wrong. Talking on a 1-900 line.
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