OK. OK. Ply this!

[Horace Greeley]

Jim and list -

At 06:03 PM 1/31/97 -0500, you wrote:
>Horace;
> Tell us about the pliers !
>Jim Bryant (FL)
>
I am sure that there are a bunch of folks out there who know this story a
good deal better than I do, but here goes:

A long time ago, in a galaxy far away there was a piano company named
Bechyamasteinchickendorfer.  This enlightened company thought that
informed, educated, practiced technical professionals could do a better job
of servicing their instruments.

The Plan was a masterpiece of capitalism in action.  The pianos were
designed and built to provide good quality playability for a reasonable
amount of time, given adequate service, and then be replaced by newer,
longer, lower, wider models - ones with power steering, power brakes, air
conditioning, and things like that.  Everybody was happy.  The manufacturer
was happy because they were selling everything they were building.  The
dealers were happy because they could sell everything they could get their
hands on.  The clients were happy because the piano was as good as it was
ever going to get the first time they saw it on the showroom floor.
Performers were happy because the actions worked.  Finance companies were
happy because they could resell the paper contracts almost endlessly,
making money on each sale on top of the interest charged to the purchaser.
Oh, yes, I almost forgot - the technicians were happy because for once, not
only did someone keep them in the loop, they were listened to, _and_ they
made money, too.

Anyway, Bill worked (very hard and very well) for this company in a variety
of positions.  One of his assignments was the dreaded telephone help desk.

The story goes that one particulary slow day, Bill took a call from a
technician from Outer_Hogs_Breath_Under_The_Missouri, somewhere in the
Great American Midwest.  This technician was trying to diagnose an action
problem on an upright piano.  He had arrived for his appointment with his
complete tool kit, which consisted of a tuning hammer, a pair of pliers, a
screwdriver, some glue and some felt.

After some extended consultation and translation, Bill was able to
determine that the "keystick thingys" moved "a good deal" before the
"klunkers" began to move.  His subsequent questions revealed the tool
inventory mentioned above.  Drawing a deep breath, and, no doubt grateful
that he did not have a video conference phone, Bill drawled - "Well, I
believe I'd go with the pliers."

ba-DUM!

Bill, if you're out there, please forgive me a bit of artistic license with
this story.  It is such a perfect microcosmic picture of life for those who
do warranty service that I never cease to derive both pleasure and
enlightenment from its memory.

More from "Double-U Double-O F" later.

Film at 11 - don't touch that dial.

Horace

Horace Greeley

"We learn from history that we learn nothing from history"

			- George Bernard Shaw

Stanford University
email: hgreeley@leland.stanford.edu
voice mail: 415.725.9062
LiNCS help line: 415.725.4627