Comically Bad Dreams (faintly technical)

[Zen Reinhardt]

Hi Everybody!!

Perhaps we should have a dream-fest?  Keith McGavern has already posted
some good ones, and I guess it is now my turn.

Admit it -- I'm off the deep end now.  Woke up this morning after what
could best be described as a technician' nightmare.

In the dream, one of my best customers had called me over to service a
couple of pianos, a high-quality 6' and a 5'3 by the same manufacturer.  He
was having troubles with both of them, and had asked me to have a look. 
What I saw were ham-handed attempts at restringing.  New tuning pin holes
had been drilled at random between the existing holes, often amongst the
aggraffes.  No attempts had been made at making neat, tight coils, nor was
much
attention paid to what diameter wire should be used where.  This project
had been undertaken because the original pins had insufficient torque.  I
tried advising the customer that he should have told me earlier, as these 2
pianos were still under warranty, but this butchery had voided the
warranty.  

Then he wanted to show me his newest acquisitions.  He was now the proud
owner of 8 pianos.  And there it was -- an upright with the craziest, most
confusing birdcage action, and it was a screwstringer as well.  This
treasure came with all new parts, but those parts were sadly lacking in
quality, and the workmanship was little better than the stringing jobs.  I
was supposed to try tuning this thing, when the tuning mechanisms were deep
behind everything else.  Removing the action was not advisable because it
would probably disintegrate in my hands, if there was any way to get a good
grip on it.

.......

This brought back to mind another dream I had a few years ago.  I have to
admit, I woke up laughing after this one.

The scene is the tail end of a rural county fair.  The used piano salesman
from the dealer I was working for had brought along a full truckload of his
warehouse specials and was trying as he might to score one last sale before
being asked to leave the fairground.  If he weren't selling used pianos,
you might think he was selling used cars -- the same pushiness, the same
cheap talk ... the works.  So there he was leaning over a prize spinet on a
tilter, showing off the "remarkable" bridge repair he had done with gobs of
epoxy while the family thinking about buying a piano looked on skeptically.
 Sitting in the cab of the truck was a classmate of mine from North Bennet
Street School -- a woman who spoke few words but who acted on matters
without hesitation, often with grim determination.  Without notice, she
picked up this enormous power drill with a 3/4" bit and pointed it out the
window, just as the salesman was straightening up.  By coincidence, the bit
was aimed precisely at his right ear.

.....

Unfortunately I didn't sleep long enough to find out what the outcome was. 
Did the salesman get his brain reamed out?  You decide!


ZR!  RPT
Ann Arbor  MI
diskladame@provide.net