Grant Proposal--off topic

[JIMRPT]

Michael, try this on the School Administration :-), I'm putting off bushing a
set of keys as long as possible :-(
Jim Bryant (FL)
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PROSPECTUS FOR RESEARCH;
  A study to be conducted on the interlocutory effects of aural sublimation of
non-coherent tones, semi tones, partials, and quarks. a.k.a. "Wolves".  Such
studies are best conducted on a liquid platform of vast proportions to
alliviate the effects of echo and counter echo upon the measurement and
analysis of created and non-created said tones.
  As the relational aspects of quarks do/may/might- effect/bend/transpose any
created tone, the effects of said realities must, scientifically, be taken
into consideration.  As there is no location said research can be conducted
without said influnce, a position that accounts for as much said influence as
possible is required for the cancellation of all said effects emanating from
all quark sources.
  Such location has been found at the Longitude and Latitude of Providence
harbor and Marina, Providence, RI.  The strongest confluence of said quark
effects will obtain during the month of July, 1998.  As a research facility is
not available at this location currently which meets the requirement of
isolation from echo, and counter echo, the solution, to this manifest problem,
comes to mind.
  A sailboat of approximately 42 feet in length with  at least 14 foot beam,
two master cabins w/head and a salon capable of supporting
meetings/experimentation of up to twelve persons, each of international
reknown, would be appropiate.
  By happy coincidence I will be attending the Institute/Covention of the
world renowned 'Piano Technicians Guild' during that said period and in said
location and the expense of said research would be negligble amounting only to
leasing of a suitable vessel moored or docked in said Providence harbor for
the duration.

  This study of the interlocutory effects of aural sublimation of non-coherent
tones, semi tones, partials, and quarks, a.k.a. "Wolves", will answer
wonderings and musings of thousands of music educators, piano technicians and
various other savory characters.  The study will, when completed, add to the
prestige of this institution so as to establish it as the leader in this area
of Musical Phenomena.
  Respectfully requesting the funding of this desirable project, said cost to
be __________________  .