Why is it that...?

[Tom Driscoll]

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-----Original Message-----
From: pianotech-bounces@ptg.org [mailto:pianotech-bounces@ptg.org] On
Behalf Of Robert Goodale
Sent: Tuesday, April 15, 2003 3:23 PM
To: pianotech@ptg.org
Subject: Why is it that...?

 

Why is it that...  A collection of rhetorical questions regarding stupid
things that piano companies have done.  (No particular reason for this,
just something to make fun of).

 

Tom Driscoll answers select questions below.

Why is it that....

1.  Yamaha puts such ridiculous tiny brass wheels on the U1 that they
serve no purpose in moving the piano? Answer: It's too heavy to move
anyway

2.  Steinway can't grasp the concept that the sostanuto rail belongs in
the piano and not on the action?           Answer: completes the circle
of sound

3.  Some makers both today and yesterday don't machine the plate bridge
so that it has a defined termination point?

4.  Some Asian companies, (at least in the past), don't allow room
between the strings and plate for a temperament strip?

5.  Baldwin doesn't miter the ribs on their uprights so that they don't
come loose in humid climates?

6.  Yamaha and Kawai insufficiently glue the dowels that hold the
removable front in place so that they inevitably fall out?

7.  Samick doesn't understand that in order keep grands from wobbling
you must use sufficient glue in the leg joints?      Answer: Piano makes
a great martini shaker

8.  Kimball used such flimsy bracing on some smaller uprights that you
could alter the pitch just by lifting on the keybed? Answer: Tighten the
mezzo thermonial stabilizer

9.  QRS thinks that a sustain solenoid should be an option and that
somehow "magic fingers" will sound the same? Answer: Who cares? It's a
player

10.  The Kincade/Grand piano company thought standard plywood from a
lumber yard was sufficient for a soundboard?  Answer: They didn't want
to outclass the rest of the piano

11.  In the 1970s Wurlitzer forgot that pin blocks must be glued into
the piano so that they don't separate from the back? Answer: Glue is
expensive

12.  PianoDisc can't make an operating system that will read general
midi 1 format and not just midi 0?Answer:See #9

13.  Everett decided that the best way to secure the top of an upright
piano was to use hex head screws?  : Answer: No joke here---Just good
security

14.  Some 1970's consoles have tenor tuning pins so close together that
you can't get a tuning hammer on them?  Answer: It's a lever not a
hammer

15.  Various manufacturers built the case in such a way that you can't
get a tuning hammer on the bottom 'A' pin?Answer: See #14

16.  Some mute rails are so poorly designed they can't be adjusted to
work when they should and not when they shouldn't?

17.  Key buttons were omitted in Whitney spinets to save money but
inevitably resulted in wobbly keys? Answer: Same as many other makers

18.  Kimball thought that inventing the "Le Petite" grand was a good
idea? Answer: It's so cute!

19.  Baldwin decided that the top of a Hamilton should open like a
Pontiac? Answer: I like that idea. If only the fallboard was as easy to
get out!

20.  Story & Clark proudly boasted about their CFS scale but the sound
still sucked? Answer Perhaps it means: Chuck F ***ing Sucks?

21.  Aeolian thought that key weights should be placed on both sides of
the balance rail pin? Answer: Symmetry

22.  Wurlitzer came up with the idea of the ever fashionable naugahide
cases? Answer: Don't Knock the Fifties!

23.  If at first you don't succeed, how about naming it "Betsy Ross"?
Answer: When in doubt wave the first flag!

24.  Any company that has a decal of a gold medal from some exhibition
is automatically assumed superior? Answer: By whom?

25.  Particle board is not only used in pianos construction but is still
proudly advertised as "solid wood"? Answer: Well it was once!

 

 

Okay, your turn, I've only scratched the surface here.

 

Rob Goodale, RPT

Las Vegas, NV


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