Aaaaaaaarrrrrrgh!

[David Nereson]

Alan wrote:

> *(Had trouble with this message, if it posts more than once, just zap. 
> Sorry)*
>  
> Had to happen sooner or later. Visit people who don't play much, tune 
> annual. He's nice. She was okay in past. She not home. Sit at piano. 
> 20+ cents flat after period of high humidity around here. Tell him it 
> needs pitch correction. Work on piano for 2 1/2 hours. She's now home, 
> comes in as I'm trying to take a little Story & Clarke wine out of the 
> unisons. Scowl. "We have places to go today! How much longer is this 
> going to take?" Oh, says I, I'm just finishing up. "How much."  Well 
> it needed pitch correction, you see, blah blah blah, so it's $140 today.
>  
> [Insert sound of Banshee With Bellyache here]
>  
> "Why, we haven't even moved that piano." (Me: chuff, hrgmff, choke ...)
>  
>  {Caution Serious Rant Zone Ahead}
>  
> WHAT THE HELL IS IT WITH THIS 'MOVING THE PIANO CRAP'? EVERYONE 
> KNOWS(!) THATS WHAT MAKES PIANOS NEED TUNING (puff puff pant) DID THE 
> GOVERNMENT USED TO PRINT THAT FACTOID(???!!!) ON CEREAL BOXES OR 
> WHAT? SEEMS MOST FOLKS DON'T KNOW A $#*%&* THING ELSE ABOUT THEIR 
> PIANO BUT IF YOU ROLL IT 3 INCHES, THAT'S WHEN YOU GOTTA CALL THE 
> TUNER (OR IF A KEY IS 'STICKING.') OTHER THAN THAT, IT CAN EASILY GO 
> ANOTHER 15 YEARS AND SOUNDS JUST BLOODY GREAT, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!
>  
> "Last time you were here you only charged me $50." No, Ma'am. It was 
> $65 a couple of years ago. Now it's $80 plus you needed the pitch raise.
>  
> Tried to explain. She wrote a check. I said, just pay me what you 
> think it's worth. She paid the full amount.
>  
> She won't be using me next time. That's okay. She will 
> undoubtedly tell everyone in her church--and it's a small community 
> here--and anyone else who'll listen that I am a rotten crook and I 
> charge $140 to tune a piano--that hasn't even been moved! That's not 
> okay. Damn.
>  
> I never raised my voice.
>  
> I've  included  the letter I've prepared to send her , below. Before I 
> seal it and send it, if any of you kind folks want to look it over and 
> tell me I'm right on, crazy, or both, I'd appreciate it. All comments 
> welcome. Maybe some ideas for people with similar customer relations 
> disasters are here, too ...
>   
> Alan R. Barnard
> Trying to Thicken My Skin Without Thickening My Skull in Salem, MO
> (Man, that's just plain thick! Thorry.)
>  
>
> Dear Friends:
>
>  
>
> I am very upset about our discussion today. These are my thoughts and 
> feelings …
>
>  
>
> First and foremost: If I have offended you in any way, whatsoever, I 
> do truly apologize and ask your forgiveness. Friendship and integrity 
> mean everything in the world to me and business …. is only business.
>
>  
>
> Jeanne, you seemed upset with me from the moment I said hello and 
> certainly before the fee was discussed. I didn’t understand that.
>
>  
>
> I’ve attached a copy of information about tuning, humidity, pitch 
> raises, etc., in the interest of understanding. Your piano was 21 
> percent flat today, which I pointed out to Ron. He heard how much I 
> was raising each string just to get it near pitch. Anything more than 
> about 6 or 7 percent flat (or sharp, and less than 5 is better) is 
> simply not tunable for good, lasting results. If anything, with the 
> high humidity of recent days, I expected to find your piano a little 
> sharp, or maybe a little flat (it has been a whole year) but it was 
> /way/ off.
>
>  
>
> Perhaps I should have clarified fees with Ron before starting, but you 
> had always handled our business in the past and you are the player. So 
> I just plunged in, doing what the piano needed.
>
>  
>
> Most people tune every 6 months in our climate, but usually a year 
> doesn’t throw a piano so much—although it will not sound very good. 
> But some pianos are just more reactive to humidity swings than others. 
> No one could have done a straight tuning, today; the pitch correction 
> was absolutely essential. I wish you’d been home when I arrived; maybe 
> we’d have saved some grief.
>
>  
>
> You were right in remembering that I charged less on previous 
> occasions. My records show $65 tuning payments on 9/11/02 and 4/27/04. 
> Both were for straight, near-pitch tunings, even though I had already 
> raised my rates by April of last year, I charged you the old 
> amount—don’t remember why. My standard tuning rate is now $80 but if 
> gas prices remain so high, I will be raising it a little or start 
> charging for mileage and time on the road.
>
>  
>
> That’s the way Bottorf Appliance charges: $40 per hour (including 
> driving time to and from) and $1_^00 _ a mile.  I know because I 
> routinely survey other professional services to make sure that my fees 
> are in line and fair. At their rate, a visit equivalent to mine, 
> today, would have run about the same as what I charged. Equivalent 
> time on auto repairs at Al West would have cost nearly $200 just for 
> the labor (and they won’t come to your house).
>
>  
>
>  As I said, I’m not the cheapest tuner in our area. In fact, if I 
> heard that another person was charging more than I, I would 
> immediately raise my rates. I am the only Guild technician between 
> here, Springfield, Columbia, Arkansas, and St. Louis. That alone 
> doesn’t guarantee you top-notch service, but does demonstrate a 
> person’s desire to be professional, ethical, and to provide excellent, 
> knowledgeable service. Also it affords fantastic training and 
> mentoring opportunities which I take every advantage of.
>
>  
>
> There are people out there who will take your money to fiddle with 
> your tuning pins. We call them “tooners.” One such person, locally, 
> uses a guitar tuner and has no understanding, at all, about how pianos 
> work or how to tune them, doesn’t understand tempered tuning, 
> inharminicity, or what to do if a key doesn’t play right. When 
> encountering pianos off-pitch like yours, this person either tunes and 
> tunes—desperately trying to make it sound right—until they literally 
> throw him out, or tells them their “strings are shot” and they need a 
> new piano!
>
>  
>
> There is a fellow from Marshfield who tunes locally and has a good 
> reputation. And there is one in Rolla whom I have never met, but have 
> never heard anything bad about. Second Street Music Academy in Dixon 
> has a lady who tunes, very well I’m told. I’m not sure she comes this 
> far south, though.
>
>  
>
> On the other hand, I’d like to remain friends and, just perhaps, your 
> tuner, too. I’m trying to build a business, provide the best service I 
> can, feed my family, behave honorably, and make as many friends as I 
> can. If I blew it, somehow, I’m sorry.
>
>  
>
> Very truly yours,
>
>
    Despite your good intentions, she probably won't bother to read it 
all, nor the handouts on piano care.  People just don't read anything 
they don't have to anymore, including traffic signs, especially when 
they're upset.  Some people are just difficult.  I don't know how to 
deal with it either, sometimes.  Let them go with the $55 "tooner" and 
just seek better clients to replace them.    --Dave Nereson, Denver