This is a multi-part message in MIME format. ---------------------- multipart/alternative attachment Yeah, and who's the little Irishman living in your backyard? =20 Patty O'Furniture. =20 Alan R. Barnard Salem, MO -----Original Message----- From: pianotech-bounces@ptg.org [mailto:pianotech-bounces@ptg.org] On = Behalf Of John Ross Sent: Friday, March 18, 2005 1:05 AM To: pianotech Subject: Fw: Friday from Ragtime Bill =20 Sorry I didn't have these for yesterday: =20 ST. PATRICK'S DAY GROANERS =20 Q: Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day? A: Real rocks are too heavy. =20 Q: Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun? A: Because they're always a little short. =20 Q: How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time? A: He's Dublin over with laughter! =20 Q: What would you get if you crossed Christmas with St. Patrick's Day? A: St. O'Claus! =20 Q: Are people jealous of the Irish? A: Sure, they're green with envy! =20 Q: What would you get if you crossed Quasimodo with an Irish football player? A: The Halfback of Notre Dame! =20 Q: Why are leprechauns so hard to get along with? A: Because they're very short-tempered! =20 "I married an Irishman on St. Patrick's Day." "Oh, really?" "No, O'Reilly!" =20 ------ =20 Cecil shares this one: =20 To commemorate her 69th birthday on October 1, actress/vocalist Julie Andrews made a special appearance at Manhattan's Radio City Music Hall = for the benefit of the AARP. She changed (slightly) the lyrics to one of = her favorite songs, as follows:=20 =20 "Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting,=20 Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,=20 Bundles of magazines tied up in string,=20 These are a few of my favorite things.=20 =20 Cadillacs and cataracts and hearing aids and glasses,=20 Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,=20 Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,=20 These are a few of my favorite things.=20 =20 When the pipes leak,=20 When the bones creak,=20 When the knees go bad,=20 I simply remember my favorite things,=20 And then I don't feel so bad.=20 =20 Hot tea and crumpets, and corn pads for bunions,=20 No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,=20 Bathrobes and heat pads and hot meals they bring,=20 These are a few of my favorite things.=20 =20 Back pains, confused brains, and no fear of sinnin',=20 Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin',=20 And we won't mention our short shrunken frames,=20 When we remember our favorite things.=20 =20 When the joints ache,=20 when the hips break,=20 When the eyes grow dim,=20 Then I remember the great life I've had,=20 And then I don't feel so bad."=20 =20 Ms. Andrews received a standing ovation from the crowd that lasted over = four minutes and repeated encores.=20 =20 ------ =20 How To Keep Your Sanity =20 Mary Simpson was almost crazy with her three kids. She complained to her best friend, "They're driving me nuts. Such pests, they give me no rest = and I'm half-way to the nut hatch." =20 "What you need is a playpen to separate the kids from yourself," her = friend said. =20 So Mary bought a playpen. A few days later, her friend called to ask how things were going. =20 "Superb! I can't believe it," Mary said. "I get in that playpen with a = good book and the kids don't bother me one bit!" =20 ------ =20 And finally, =20 Eager to make her mark in the world of business, the attractive new MBA = took a job as executive assistant to the middle-aged owner of a fast-growing computer software company. She found the work challenging and the travel interesting, but was extremely annoyed by her boss's tendency to treat = her in public as though she were his girlfriend rather than a professional associate. =20 This was especially irritating in restaurants, where he would insist on ordering for her, and on calling her Dearest or Darling within earshot = of the waiters.=20 =20 When she told him how much it bothered her, he promised to stop, but the patronizing behavior continued. Finally, as he led her into a four-star restaurant, she took matters into her own hands. =20 "Where would you like to sit, sweetheart?" he asked, with a wink at the maitre d'. =20 "Gee," she replied, "anywhere you say, Dad." =20 =20 =20 -$3 ("If you don't like the news, go out and make some.") -- Internal Virus Database is out-of-date. Checked by AVG Anti-Virus. Version: 7.0.308 / Virus Database: 266.7.1 - Release Date: 03/09/2005 --=20 Internal Virus Database is out-of-date. Checked by AVG Anti-Virus. Version: 7.0.308 / Virus Database: 266.7.1 - Release Date: 03/09/2005 =20 ---------------------- multipart/alternative attachment An HTML attachment was scrubbed... URL: https://www.moypiano.com/ptg/pianotech.php/attachments/ae/1d/59/6d/attachment.htm ---------------------- multipart/alternative attachment--
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