[CAUT] New Laws

[Don Mannino]

No, only the last one was my contribution.  I had forgotten the one
about bass string breakage in Churches - that should be added.  It is
not anonymous, though - it originated by Jim Harvey in the 70s.  I
herewith re-submit the laws, as amended and re-cleaned up.

DM

> -----Original Message-----
> From: caut-bounces@ptg.org [mailto:caut-bounces@ptg.org] On 
> Behalf Of Jeff Olson
> Sent: Tuesday, February 14, 2006 10:24 PM
> To: College and University Technicians
> Subject: Re: [CAUT] New Laws
> 
> 
> Those are good, Don.  Are they original to you?  (I can 
> personally confirm the reality of most of them -- even the last 
> one, I'm chagrined to admit ;-)
> 
> Jeff O.

-----------------------------------------

New Laws

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with
grease your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.

Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the
least accessible corner.

Law of probability: The probability of being watched is
directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never
get a busy signal.

Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work
because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will 
have a flat tire.

Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one
you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. 
works every time)

Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the
telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you
know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be 
seen with.

Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a
machine won't work, it will.

Law of Bio mechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely 
proportional to the reach.

Theatre Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest
from the aisle arrive last.

Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee,
your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the 
coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a
locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly
sandwich of landing face down on a floor covering are directly 
correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.

Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know
what you are talking about.

Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Wilson's Law: As soon as you find a product that you really
like, they will stop making it.

Piano Tuner's Law: The best way to get a customer to come into
the room during a tuning is to pass gas.

Law of Holy String Breakage:  The frequency of bass string breakage is
directly proportional to the length of the name of the church.