LarBear, Thanks for the laugh. I just finished putting on a set of hammers on this early 1900's Baldwin vertical with schwander & brass rails when I decided to check my e-mail once more before hitting the hay. Your post was (for me) timely and entertaining. Thanks!! LOL Still giggling, Greg Torres Larry Fisher wrote: > Hi all, > > RE: "What would YOU do" > > I'd find the phone call mildly entertaining. If he didn't call back, oh > well. If he did, and actually scheduled an appointment, I follow through > like so many other calls. Arrive promptly in clean attire (make sure you > don't have any dried boogers dangling from yer nose hairs), remove shoes at > the door (providing there's a clean carpet, if dogs and cats have overrun > the place, ask for boots), casually wait for you to be escorted to the piano > if it's not in sight (casual glances only, leave the binoculars and > magnifying glass at home), as you approach the piano ask if there's been any > problems with the piano and somewhere along the line, indicate that Kawai > makes a really nice piano (that's if it's a Kawai of course, if it's > anything else ...... well... you know). Then as you strike a few notes, > ask who's the dumb turkey that let it go this long ...... or ....... no > wait, wait ......... say "Hmmmmm, it has been a few years huh". Carefully > remove the cabinet pieces and line them up carefully somewhere out of the > traffic pattern in the room (stacking them is good if you have a cat or dog > to use as padding between the layers). Get right to business. Strike the > reference note of your choice and compare with your fork or ........ uh > ...... ELECTRONIC CRUTCH and notify him of any extra charges if there will > be any before you get started (like it's an extra $25.50 if anyone smokes > tobacco while you're there, a discount if anything else is smoked, > screaming bozos, dried discusting little do-dads on/betwixt the keys that > needs to be removed for elementary function of key to tune by, etc.), look > for mouse calling cards, roach hazards, moth entrails, and other little > indications that life has not been so spotless for the last 15 years. > Discuss your findings if needed. Tune as you have for years doing nothing > different (taking a nap while tuning is not a good idea on this call). > Reassemble, chat, write ivoice, collect fee, leave (run like hell). Maybe > he'll call again in 15 years. Maybe not. He's probably familiar with the > therapy routine. Wear one of them head pieces that looks like you got an > arrow going from ear to ear and some google eyes. He'll probably not react > since you'll probably look normal ...... just like everyone else in therapy > right guys?? > > But then again, you could BAIL!!! BAG IT DUDE!!! (personally I find no > challenge to this route) > > RE: Brass Rails > > There's a bar on Hennipin Ave in Minneapolis by this name "Brass Rail". > Across the street is a bar named the "Copper Squirrel". The Rail is a gay > bar and the Squirrel is a strip bar. Strange times I had in my twenties. I > found out that guys ready to do the trip, would go across the street after > only being able to afford half of it, and hope to make enough to have the > other half of the operation. Uh, a roommate was the announcer at the > Squirrel. Minneapolis was a strange place for me. (Who needs to travel to > exotic places when you live in the U.S.) > > RE: (I don't remember) (is there a penalty for this??) > > Tuning in public places can be an exercise in tolerance ........ to say the > least. I was in a nursing home north of here a year or two ago, fixthing a > Wurthlessor player pianner and I had my multi-compartmented plastic storage > box open (full of balance rail and front rail punchings) laying on top of > the bench off to the side by the wall. This old gomer with a creeper > (probably used to work construction driving a bulldozer) bulldozed his way > through the chairs and tables in the room to get a closer look at what I was > doing. In the process, he dumped all my nicely sorted punchings on the > floor. It took him a few minutes (he's pretty slow in the head) to realize > he'd really ruined my day, and proceeded to bulldoze his way outta there. > By the time I had cleaned up all my punchings, and packed up all my tools, > he was dozing down the hallway in the opposite direction I had to go to get > to my car. That evening, I sorted punchings while doing ham radio. I cudda > tossed them all, but what the heck, I wasn't doing anything intellegent for > the evening. Two hours later, I had them all back in the right places > again. I learned not to leave that thing open when there's a wayward, > antique, out-of-adjustment, drug enhanced, synaptic disaster collective, > construction site bully in the area. > > In that same place, while I was tuning, this little old lady (bag) came over > and had a serious look on her face (clad in her nightgown at 4:30 PM) and > moaning now and again as if to say "What are you doing to my piano??". An > attendant assured her that I was tuning it and that it was ok for me to play > it that loud. She'd escort the old lady off and a few minutes later there > she was .... moaning and glaring. This process was repeated a few times > during the hour long tuning. I felt like rockin' out with "Mony Mony". > > And then there was Billy. He was probably in his 60's, pear shaped, acted > like he was 5 or 6 years old, played a harmonica periodically (cows play > harmonicas better than he did, I've herd 'em) and then he'd applaud ..... > viciously, vigarously, rapidly ....... putting his hands together 6 to 8 > times each time. The attendants would say to him, "OH, Billy, you play so > nicely. Maybe when the pianoman gets finished tuning the piano you can play > a duet." Yeah, right, I don't think Billy knows what a duet is, let alone > play in the same key. That kid had his priorities in the right place > though. He knew where the food and music was. Everything else was a total > waste. Rock on Billy. > > Another relic rode up in her shiney new 1997 American Wheelchair model > 3250-A57-B with dual EZ Brakes, washable hidden plastic moisture barriers > (shhh we don't talk about these things), plaid side storage pockets, cup > holder, comfort grip hand rims, and Molybdenum alloy frame, and said in a > gruff and explosively loud grumble, "YOU NEED LESSONS!!" Yeah right lady!! > I burst out laughing and got the approving giggle from the sane members of > the house (staff). It took everything I had to stifle the sensation to flip > her off (just to see if she'd hit me). > > As I found my way out of there, being quite exhausted with the usual effort > of a tuning in an echo chamber full of depleted mentallia, I noticed I was > smirking. Ah yes, life deteriorates in a variety of ways. For some, life > is what you make of it, while for some, life is how you compost it. > > Sickly yourn, > > LarBear > > Larry Fisher RPT > specialist in players, retrofits, and other complicated stuff > phone 360-256-2999 or email larryf@pacifier.com > http://www.pacifier.com/~larryf/ (revised 10/96) > Beau Dahnker pianos work best under water
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