divorce topic

[James Grebe]

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OK, this has bothered me for a few days now.  It seems like there are =
some among you, I hate to use the term, 'holier than thou' but it seems =
like that is what you mean . Do not take this spouting as personal but =
rather in general.
One person has come up with how he and his spouse do all this stuff =
together as a family and this and that.  How they communicate so well =
together and how they both look after each others interests .  Then 2 =
days ago some one said that in their case,"divorce was not an option".   =
 Here goes. =20
How many people are you guys aware of where divorce was an option ? =20
Do you think it is an option when it does happen?
.  I submit that a person may be doing everything they can that they =
think is good and right and it can still happen. =20
        In my case, the last 10 years I gave up going to PTG meetings so =
I could accompany my wife to go to her chiropractic meetings where she =
rose to be an officer not only locally but statewide .  Did I do the =
wrong thing or do something selfish by giving up what was an important =
thing for my career to make sure she was safe so she could pursue her =
own career to a higher level?
.  Did I invest thousands of dollars a year to make sure her practice =
stayed afloat ?  Was that selfish of me?. =20
Did I act selfishly when I would take her and bring her to work every =
day or follow her in my truck to make sure she would get home after =
hours in the dark making my schedule conform to her schedule ?
.  Was that being self centered?  Last fall I bought her a new laptop =
and several important programs for her business out of my business =
money.  Was that selfish in my part? =20
Was I looking out for myself.?=20
Did I not go to PTG conventions so I would have the money so she could =
go to her conventions and seminars. ?
 Trust me, her seminars and conventions are a lot more expensive than =
piano ones. =20
Did I not bring her Mom into our family after her father died and =
considered her Mom to be my own after 1993.  Did I not call her several =
times a day to check and make sure she was OK at work?
.  Did I not bring her roses, presents always on birthdays and =
Valentines Day , including just past?
. Did I not tell her that I loved her over and over again through the =
days. of our lives?
  Did I not demonstrate the same to her in the many little ways that I =
have always done?  Did I not buy her own power tools so she could be =
creative and build projects that were more intricate than my own?
.  Did I not take care of her dogs in clean up and feeding everyday as =
she was too tired or busy?=20
 On and on. =20
Where do you guys think that divorce was an option for me?
.  Where do you think it became an option for her, the day before she =
told me she wanted a divorce?  Is that when it became an option, or was =
it after 30 years, or after 20, or after 10, or 6 months?  I submit that =
it is never an option for anyone who is married.  People change as they =
grow older.  My wife was a child bride when she married me and I was =
able to cope with her changes as she went through them till now.  As she =
is 50 (looks 30)  now she feels this is her last chance to finally fly =
on her own without me.  She has got to the point financially now where =
she can sort of be independent and she is young enough to be attractive =
to others who may be able to do better for her than myself.  Who knows?  =

How can this be, I don't know, but it is the reality I am faced with.  =
How to fall out of love with a person I have loved most of my adult life =
and still have no reason to feel otherwise other than she does not want =
ME anymore..  I am trying to find how to do that very thing now.
Mine is not the only story here,  as  a number of you poor souls have =
confided in me what you have went through.  Indeed, one young lady, who =
was also married to a doctor was on the dumpee end like I am.  She is a =
lurker on this list and from what she tells me, and I have no reason to =
doubt, that she gave up much to further her husbands career.  She is a =
piano technician as well as a brilliant musician on a number of =
different instruments at concert level performance ability . She is in =
the process of trying to raise 2 lovely daughters as best she can. She =
tells me her husband accused her of not "growing"  Can you believe =
that?.  This happens to both sexes and it is always a surprise for the =
"dumpee".=20
     Consider it the same as a surprise you get when a string breaks.  =
After it breaks you try to find the cause.  There are some that you =
cannot figure out.  I have had cases where the string broke in the =
process of going flat, not sharp.  I have had others break and I was not =
even on their pin.  It is always a surprise.  Could it be prevented, who =
knows.  It is too late after it breaks.
So, life will go on for me somehow just as it is for my new lady friend =
on this list as well as my gentleman friends.  You do the best you can =
under whatever circumstances you are faced with day to day. =20
This was for those of you who think it cannot happen to you.  Trust me, =
it can happen to you though I hope it never does.  Thanks for listening.
James Grebe=20
R.P.T. and M.P.T.
 from St. Louis                              =20
pianoman@inlink.com
                  Creator of:
 Handsome Hardwood Caster Cups
                  and
Practical   Piano    Benches
"Tranquility Base"
E.T.A.     April, 1999

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