[Fwd: HUMOR: Computer humor]

[Greg Newell]

---------------------- multipart/alternative attachment
-------- Original Message -------- Subject: HUMOR: Computer humor Date:
Sun, 24 Sep 2000 23:29:12 -0500 From: "Peter Brandt" Reply-To:
pbrandt@pop.service.ohio-state.edu Organization: The Ohio State
University To: gnewell@ameritech.net, lwozniak@netzero.net,
rnewell@columbus.rr.com,anbrandt@yahoo.com Computer humor These are
stories from help desks around the country. At 3:37 a.m. on a Sunday, I
had just looked at the clock to determine my annoyance level, when I
received a frantic phone call from a new user of a Macintosh Plus. She
had gotten her entire family out of the house and was calling from her
neighbor's. She had just received her first system error and interpreted
the picture of the bomb on the screen as a warning that the computer was
going to blow up. --------------- Tech Support: "I need you to
right-click on the Open Desktop." Customer: "Ok." Tech Support: "Did you
get a pop-up menu?" Customer: "No." Tech Support: "Ok. Right click
again. Do you see a pop-up menu?" Customer: "No." Tech Support: "Ok,
sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?" Customer:
"Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'." (At this point
I had to put the caller on hold to tell the rest of the tech support
staff what had happened. I couldn't, however, stop from giggling when I
got back to the call.) Tech Support: "Ok, did you type 'click' with the
keyboard?" Customer: "I have done something dumb, right?" ------------
One woman called Dell's toll-free line to ask how to install the
batteries in her laptop. When told that the directions were on the first
page of the manual the woman replied angrily, "I just paid $2,000 for
this damn thing, and I'm not going to read the book." -----------------
Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still
getting the same error message." Tech Support: "Did you install the
update?" Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to
work?" ---------------------- Customer: "I'm having trouble installing
Microsoft Word." Tech Support: "Tell me what you've done." Customer: "I
typed 'A:SETUP'." Tech Support: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what
it says." Customer: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery
disk'." Tech Support: "Insert the MS Word setup disk." Customer: "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?" Customer "No..." --------------
Tech Support: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you
see the 'OK' button displayed?" Customer: "Wow. How can you see my
screen from there?" ------------------- Customer: "Uhh...I need help
unpacking my new PC." Tech Support: "What exactly is the problem?"
Customer: "I can't open the box." Tech Support: "Well, I'd remove the
tape holding the box closed and go from there." Customer: "Uhhhh...ok,
thanks...." ---------------- Customer: "I'm having a problem installing
your software. I've got a fairly old computer, and when I type
'INSTALL', all it says is 'Bad command or file name'." Tech Support:
"Ok, check the directory of the A: drive-go to A:\ and type'dir'."
Customer reads off a list of file names, including 'INSTALL.EXE'. Tech
Support: "All right, the correct file is there. Type 'INSTALL' again."
Customer: "Ok." (pause) "Still says 'Bad command or file name'." Tech
Support: "Hmmm. The file's there in the correct place-it can't help but
do something. Are you sure you're typing I-N-S-T-A-L-L and hitting the
Enter key?" Customer: "Yes, let me try it again." (pause) "Nope, still
'Bad command or file name'." Tech Support: (now really confused) "Are
you sure you're typing I-N- S-T-A-L-L and hitting the key that says
'Enter'?" Customer: "Well, yeah. Although my 'N' key is stuck, so I'm
using the 'M key...does that matter? ----------------- At our company we
have asset numbers on the front of everything. They give the location,
name, and everything else just by scanning the computer's asset barcode
or using the number beneath the bars. Customer: "Hello. I can't get on
the network." Tech Support: "Ok. Just read me your asset number so we
can open an outage." Customer: "What is that?" Tech Support: "That
little barcode on the front of your computer." Customer: "Ok. Big bar,
little bar, big bar, big bar . . ." ------------------ And the best for
last!!!! Customer: "I got this problem. You people sent me this install
disk, and now my A: drive won't work." Tech Support: "Your A drive won't
work?" Customer: "That's what I said. You sent me a bad disk, it got
stuck in my drive, now it won't work at all." Tech Support: "Did it not
install properly? What kind of error messages did you get?" Customer: "I
didn't get any error message. The disk got stuck in the drive and
wouldn't come out. So I got these pliers and tried to get it out. That
didn't work either." Tech Support: "You did what sir?" Customer: "I got
these pliers, and tried to get the disk out, but it wouldn't budge. I
just ended up cracking the plastic stuff a bit." Tech Support: "I don't
understand sir, did you push the eject button?" Customer: "No, so then I
got a stick of butter and melted it and used a turkey baster and put the
butter in the drive, around the disk, and that got it loose. Then I used
the pliers and it came out fine. I can't believe you would send me a
disk that was broke and defective." Tech Support: "Let me get this
clear. You put melted butter in your A: drive and used pliers to pull
the disk out?" At this point, I put the call on the speaker phone and
motioned at the other techs to listen in. Tech Support: "Just so I am
absolutely clear on this, can you repeat what you just said?" Customer:
"I said I put butter in my A: drive to get your crappy disk out, then I
had to use pliers to pull it out." Tech Support: "Did you push that
little button that was sticking out when the disk was in the drive, you
know, the thing called the disk eject button?" Silence. Tech Support:
"Sir?" Customer: "Yes." Tech Support: "Sir, did you push the eject
button?" Customer: "No, but you people are going to fix my computer, or
I am going to sue you for breaking my computer!" Tech Support: "Let me
get this straight. You are going to sue our company because you put the
disk in the A: drive, didn't follow the instructions we sent you, didn't
actually seek professional advice, didn't consult your user's manual on
how to use your computer properly, instead proceeding to pour butter
into the drive and physically rip the disk out?" Customer: "Ummmm." Tech
Support: "Do you really think you stand a chance, since we do record
every call and have it on tape?" Customer: (now rather humbled) "But
you're supposed to help!" Tech Support: "I am sorry sir, but there is
nothing we can do for yo7F00,0000,0000u. Have a nice
day."0100,0100,0100--------------------------------- Peter Brandt
Technology Support English as a Second Language Programs
mailto:pbrandt@pop.service.ohio-state.edu AIM - WVonBach, CorEisen,
DigtalHand

---------------------- multipart/alternative attachment
An HTML attachment was scrubbed...
URL: https://www.moypiano.com/ptg/pianotech.php/attachments/28/d4/b9/44/attachment.htm

---------------------- multipart/alternative attachment--