[Fwd: Fw: Music terms you never knew]

[Greg Newell]

Subject: Music terms you never knew

Aleatoric Music: Music composed by the random selection of pitches and
  rhythms. Frequently found in some professional opera choruses.

  Antiphonal: Leaving your answering machine on all the time.

  Basso continuo: When a conductor can't get him to stop.

  Cantus firmus: A singer in good physical condition. As opposed to the
  "Cantus phlabbious" (see Sackbutt).

  Concerto grosso: A concert of, for example, accordions or kazoos.

  Contralto: An alto who has been convicted.

  Dominant: In an operatic relationship, usually the mezzo-soprano.

  Fantasie: Dmitri Hvorostovsky in leather pants and a t-shirt.

  Glissando: What usually precedes the highest note in the soprano's big
aria.

  Grand Pause: What occurs when the conductor loses his place.

  Heterophony: The only kind of music allowed at the Southern Baptist
  Convention.

  Leitmotif: Like a regular motif, but less filling.

  Perfect pitch: Throwing a banjo in the dumpster without hitting the
sides.

  Polonaise: A condiment frequently put on a parrot sandwich.

  Polychoral motet: Six parrots singing "Exultate justi."

  Recapitulation: What usually happens after eating a parrot sandwich.

  Sackbutt: A soprano over the age of 65.

  Score: Basses 2, Castrati 0.

  Smorzando: The "All-You-Can-Eat" buffet at Luciano's kitchen.

  Theme: "Oh, the singing was terrible!"

  Theme and variations: "The singing was terrible, the production was
  awful,and those costumes!"

  Tonic: What is often enjoyed over ice after an evening at the opera.