---------------------- multipart/alternative attachment Don, Thanks for your constructive criticism. This is exactly why I sent this to da list. In re-reading the handout through more objective eyes, I can see the repetition of words that my subjective eyes filtered out. "You," "piano," "and," etc, as well as some redundant and circular phrases. Version B will be forthcoming shortly. Dave S. In a message dated 6/3/05 2:28:10 AM Pacific Daylight Time, pianotuna@yahoo.com writes: Hi Dave, I'd go back to the drawing board and revise your document. Let it percolate a week or so first. Here are some well meant suggestions. The document contains "you" or "your" 20 times. Find a different word and/or eliminate it. "Piano" is used 24 times, and "instrument" 4 times--try to substitute some other words. Spell out all numbers. "Tune" or "tuned" is used 5 times. "Are", "will" and "can" are used 16 times--substitute "may" if possible, for example "Strings are still stretching" would be better as "strings may be stretching". (After all, the piano might have been properly prepped--and they "may not" be stretching--the word "may" gives some leaway--are, will and can do not.) "Of course" makes the assumption that the client understands their pianos limitiations. It is best to never make such assumptions. "and" is used 14 times--try to eliminate some of those by making separate sentences. This phrase is kind of a *circular referrence*--rewrite it--"In order to be properly voiced, a piano needs to be well regulated and tuned to ensure that the inconsistencies in tone are not because the piano is out of tune or because the action plays unevenly". Good luck with your re-write! At 01:57 AM 6/3/2005 EDT, you wrote: > Hi All, People who have just purchased instruments are happy to >have something to chew on, albeit piantech-Lite. Feel free to use this >in whole or in part as a public resource (insert your name instead of >mine, of course!) Thanks for reading, Dave Stahl Regards, Don Rose, B.Mus., A.M.U.S., A.MUS., R.P.T. Non calor sed umor est qui nobis incommodat mailto:pianotuna@yahoo.com http://us.geocities.com/drpt1948/ 3004 Grant Rd. REGINA, SK, S4S 5G7 306-352-3620 or 1-888-29t-uner ---------------------- multipart/alternative attachment An HTML attachment was scrubbed... URL: https://www.moypiano.com/ptg/pianotech.php/attachments/f5/72/7f/dc/attachment.htm ---------------------- multipart/alternative attachment--
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