How did this guy know what I use these tools for? Enjoy. Wim > > > >TOOLS EXPLAINED ~ > >DRILL PRESS: > >A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar > >stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings > >your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which > >you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it. > >----- > >WIRE WHEEL: > >Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the > >workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and > >hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to > >say, 'Oh sh -- ' ? > >----- > >ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: > >Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of > >old age. > >----- > >SKILL SAW: > >A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short. > >----- > >PLIERS: > >Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of > >blood-blisters. > >----- > >BELT SANDER: > >An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs > >into major refinishing jobs. > >----- > >HACKSAW: > >One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. > >It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and > >the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your > >future becomes. > >----- > >VISE-GRIPS: > >Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If > >nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense > >welding heat to the palm of your hand. > >----- > >OXYACETYLENE TORCH: > >Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your > >shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub > >out of which you want to remove a bearing race. > >----- > >TABLE SAW: > >A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood > >projectiles for testing wall integrity. ? ? > >----- > >HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: > >Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have > >installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper. > >----- > >BAND SAW: > >A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good > >aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the > >trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge. > >----- > >TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: > >A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you > >forgot to disconnect. > >PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: > >Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening > >old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but > >can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw > >heads. > >----- > >STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: > >A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common > >slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms. > >----- > >PRY BAR: > >A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you > >needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part. > >----- > >HOSE CUTTER: > >A tool used to make hoses too short. > > > >----- > >HAMMER: > >Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used > >as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent > >the object we are trying to hit. > >----- > >UTILITY KNIFE: > >Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons > >delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents > >such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector > >magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially > >useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use. > >----- > >DAMN-IT TOOL: > >Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while > >yelling 'DAMN-IT' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, > >the next tool that you will need. > >. ? -------------- next part -------------- An HTML attachment was scrubbed... URL: <http://ptg.org/pipermail/pianotech_ptg.org/attachments/20090211/90019b24/attachment-0001.html>
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