ADMINISTRATIUM - Smile

[Avery Todd]

List,
   Thought some of you CAUT's, especially, might get a chuckle out of this
from the piano list. (Forwarded with permission.)

*****************************************************************************

>Date: Sun, 15 Sep 1996 15:09:12 -0700
>From: John Hudson <JAHUDSON@helix.net>
>Subject: ADMINISTRATIUM - Smile
>Sender: owner-piano-l@uamont.edu
>
>The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by
>investigators at a major research university. The element, tentatively named
>Administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of
>zero. However, it does have one neuton, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice-
>neutrons, and 111 assistant vice-neutrons, which gives it an atomic mass of
>312. These 312 particles are held together by a force that involves the
>continuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons.
>
>Since it has no electrons, administratium is inert. However, it can be
>detected chemically as it impedes every reaction with which it comes in
>contact. According to its discoverers, a minute amount of administratium
>causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would
>otherwise have occured in less than a second.
>
>Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years at which
>time it does not decay but undergoes a reorganization. Assistant neutrons,
>vice-neutrons and assistant vice-neutrons exchange place. Some studies have
>shown that the atomic mass actually increases after each reorganization.
>
>Research at other laboratories indicates that administratium occurs
>naturally in the atmosphere and tends to concentrate at certain points such
>as government agencies, large corporations and universities. It can usually
>be found in the newest, best appointed, and best maintained organizations
>and buildings.
>
>Scientists point out that administratium is known to be toxic at any level
>of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reaction where it is
>allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how
>administratrium can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage. However,
>results to date are not promising.

_____________________________________
Avery Todd, RPT
Moores School of Music
University of Houston
Houston, TX 77204-4893
713-743-3226
atodd@uh.edu
_____________________________________