Welcome to another round of "Who wants to be a Millionaire!" (Music plays, lights begin flashing, crowd erupts with wild cheering). The first question is, "You are familiar with the prestigious and illustrious Julius Bach spinet. There are four answers given below as to why this piano has staples in the low shoulders of the hammers. Choose the incorrect answer." A. The staples are there so sales people in the 70's could brag about the quality (snicker, snicker) of the Julius Bach spinet. "See, these hammers have staples in the shoulders, just like Brand X." B. The staples have no useful function and one wonders why they are even there, especially when one is pulling one's hair out in frustration while regluing the 30 hammers where the hammer felt has popped loose. C. As proof that Julius Bach is a quality piano manufacturer, the staples go all the way through the hammer felt and the moulding, preventing the hammer felt from springing out away from the moulding. D. The staples are just long enough to go into the felt on each side of the hammer, but not long enough to even touch the wood of the moulding, thereby ensuring lots of work for piano technicians to patch together said aforementioned hammers when they inevitably disintegrate. What is the incorrect answer? The incorrect answer is ... C. The staples go all the way through the hammer. And is that your final answer? Yes it is, Regis. You are correct! You are the winner of a full size catapult so that you can now easily dispose of these "quality" pianos instead of repairing them! Have a great day! David Vanderhoofven Joplin, MO P.S. The writer of this post is in no way affiliated with the Julius Bach piano company, its employees, assigns or heirs, and has no regrets about any statements made herein. P.P.S. Warning: Working on "high class" pianos, such as the Julius Bach spinet is not conducive to one's mental health, and may piano technicians to begin to talk to themselves.
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