IGNORE, IGNORE!

Robert Goodale rrg@unlv.edu
Wed, 5 Mar 2003 16:44:08 -0800


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The Daily Doggie News
Today's Top Story
Associated Press:  THE POODLE THAT ATE FLORIDA
____________________________________________
Scientists confirmed today that they are baffled about the
mad poodles that have taken over the state.  It is alleged
that strange forces generated by hurricanes have somehow
mutated their alignment within the space-time continuum.
One eyewitness claimed seeing a fifty foot poodle consume
several children.  Another report states that two schnauzers
had crashed a hotel where an Elvis convention was underway
and then proceeded to chase terrorized impersonators into
the parking lot.

Animal control officer Bowser Barker admits that they have=20
been helpless in containing the mad dog spree.  "It's
just amazing...  we've tried milkbones, kibble, squeaky toys;
whatever we do they just won't stop", Barker said.

Within the hour officials will attempt to lure the mad dogs
out of town using a giant chuckwagon gravy covered
wagon.  If successful they will be rounded up by the
British military.  According to Officer Barker "they have
experience with mad dogs and Englishman".  Although
poodles are notoriously tough and more difficult to prepare
several Asian restaurants have expressed interest in the
remains.  PETA plans on protesting but since no one else
gives a crap except themselves there was no comment.
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> This, my dear friends, is NOT urban myth, as I
> remember it being reported at the time of the
> hurricane. In a few short days after Andrew struck,
> abandoned dogs became feral and were trying to kill
> and eat children. No kidding. Poodles.
>      Right here, in this college town of 100,000, a
> pack of 6 dogs attacked a woman pushing her baby
> stroller three years ago, smack dab in the middle of
> an "upscale" intown neighborhood! If you're curious, I
> can probably find the newspaper account for
> verification.
>     Therefore, how much MORE likely that dogs in an
> abandoned wastleand of debris, deprived of their
> "Kibbles&Bits", would do the same?
> "Man's Best Friend"?'
>      Thump


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