Is this normal procedure?

[Les Smith]

On Thu, 1 Oct 1998, Phil Bondi wrote:

> I just received a bid proposal for the school system here. It seems
> pretty black and white until you get to the end.
> 
> 137 Pianos (or more)..work to be completed by 12/1/98...bid must be
> received by 10/7/98.
> 
> seems like a short time for alot of work, doesn't it?
> For those who do this kind of work, does that seem like a real short
> time to tune that many pianos?

Hi, Phil:

In a word, NO, two months to do 137 pianos does not seem like a long time
at all. In fact, on the face of it, it should be a piece of cake for a
young guy on the move like you. The sweat shouldn't begin to bead on
brow until you find you have gotten yourself ino a situation where you're
have to tune 8-10 pianos a day and AFTER getting the contract you decide
to inspect the pianos and find that they have ALWAYS been tuned by the
lowest bidder--read here WORST, MOST INEXPERIENCED TUNER  available-- and
the last time even he tuned them--really crappily, believe me--was a
couple of years ago. Oh,oh.

Then, after patting yourself on the back for getting the contract for
all of $20 per piano--if you had bid $21 per, you would have lost out
to some guy who works at the local steel-plant and tunes "professionally"
on the side--you go to start tuning the pianos--which you, of course, did
not even think of inspecting first--and discover that they are all 25-50-
or more cents flat IN THE MIDDLE, with their basses and trebles much
worse because HEY, WHY TUNE THOSE NOTES, NOBODY PLAYS THEM ANYWAY; even
worse, all the pianos are widly unstable because they are tuned as
infrequently as possible by the cheapest tuner dumb enough to bid the job.
In case you have forgotten, you have signed a contract to tune all those
pianos to "concert-pitch", by a specific date, for $20 a piece. And  
that's the GOOD news!

As you start tuning, you discover that these pianos all have loose pins,
(in some cases, tight pins will have been WD-40ed!): broken, missing and
half-assedly replaced strings; wobbling, missing and mismatched hammers,
totally-missing dampers,( not even in the bottom of the piano): shot and
broken-in half pedals with their connecting rods sometimes missing; all
manner of sticking keys and assorted action parts; and, of course, the
actions themselvews haven't been regulated sinece they left the factory.
If you are "lucky", your contract says that you will be paid-- get ready--
$!0 per hour for any repair work THAT MIGHT be needed. If you're not
lucky and your contract says nothing about actually PAYING you for such
additional work, consider donning a Groucho Marx disguise, changing your
name and phone number and moving out of state. No kidding. You're stone
cold dead. From now on, your local chapter will refer to you as the LATE
Phil Bondi! :)

Further, If you're considering bidding this thankless job-- or another
similar to it-- at a great discount from your regular price because of
all the extra high-quality, full-price business you hope to get from
music-teachers and others FORGET IT. Even when you DO get such business
from tuning for "professionals" at a local college or the  Philharmonic--
much less a regular grade school-- their personal, at-home pianos will
turn out to be just as bad--if not worse--than their instruments at
school.  You will discover Steinway, Baldwin and other similar
quality grands in deplorable condition and yourself in a position
where you're "given the privilige" of working on these grossly-negelected
instruments and making them right for heavily discounted, bargin-basement,
slave-labor prices. As far as doing such work for such people goes, pardon
my language, but the words are appropriate: SCREW THEM!

Now my bid estimate of &20 per piano could be wrong. It may be HIGH. The
last instance I know of personally, occured about three years ago and the
winning bid--for about 150 such pianos--was $18!

Who "won" the contract. Well, a while back we all talked about a legend-
ary, roving, Russian-born and trained tuner named "Boris". Boris was a
big-deal tuner back in Moscow. who came to the US to introduce "American-
ski" tuners to old-world techniques. Boris--who really exists--doesn't
require a tuning fork because he carries it "in his ear". (When questioned
about the fork's absence, he simply points to his ear and then proceeds to
tune the piano to where ever A happens to be--433,8675421 cps, for
example). Boris uses what looks like a home-made "tuning hammer, con-
structed of old pipe salvaged from a condemned tenement in Moscow, and it  
has a fixed, three-foot handle for superior control. Additionally, our
"expert-for-afar" has never heard of a temperament strip--or, i suspect,
a temperament--but merely lays about four dozen, hand-cut, rat-chewed
rubber mutes on the piano he is about to tune. His tool case is one meant
for carrying around eight-track tapes. 

Whnn Boris begins to tune, the rest of the world looks like a VCR tape on
"fast-foward".  Boris, you see, is S-L-O-W. R-E-A-L  S-L-O-W, as in one-
piano-a-day-slow. Now there's nothing inherently wrong with being slow.
Slow and good is certainly better than fast and no-good. Boris, on the
other hand, combines being really slow with being really bad. That's not
exactly a winning combination. I once saw Boris doing a floor-tuning at
local dealers. As he was finishing up, the dealer came over, played an
upright which stood near-by and told Boris: "This one sounds really bad.
Do it next, okay?" To which Boris responded: "I did it yesterday."

How did Boris fare on that contract to tune 150 pianos at $18 each. Well,
checking my calander, now--three years later--he should be about half
finished. Fortunately, when he IS done, the school will probably be ready
to spring for another tuning, so he can just start all over again. That's
called "Job security".

Should you bid this contract, or not? I think not. What it comes down to
is a matter of self-image. How much are your services really worth? How
good are you, REALLY, and--more important--how good do you want to be?   
How much will it really help you to achieve your career goals to knock
yourself out doing thankless, bottom-of-the-barrel work on grossly-
neglected pianos, at heavily-discounted prices, for people who really
don't give a damn about you and the quality of your work, but only
about the price? 

When people call Phil Bondi and ask him to tune their piano, it should
be because they want the BEST, not the cheapest. Don't ever sell yourself
short.

Les Smith