tolerance and behaviour, the key to good relationships

[antares]

Dear Colleagues,

An afterthought on the recent string of e-mails about quarrels over 'the
other tuning' from one of our colleagues who continually defends himself in
a rather aggressive way, is a master in putting back the negative charge
into 'the other camp', and retaliates on any constructive criticism :

In the first place I would like to make clear that it is not my intention to
hurt or insult anybody in the world.
One might ask : then why do you write this down?

Well, that has to do with the fact that I feel an irritation, caused by
someone who repeatedly irritates others.
I recognize this irritation because it is the same person over and over
again, and also about the same subject over and over again.

I also have noticed over the years that I am not alone in my feeling of
'discomfort'. 
There are many others on this list who got into an argument with the same
person and about the same subject.
The pattern is recognizable too :
A discussion about this tuning changes into an argument....the flames get
higher and higher and..... after a short while the fire extinguishes..... to
stir up again sometime later etc etc.
The person I am talking about then does not show up on the list for some
time, we sort of cool off and tend to be forgiving and wish to forget what
it was al about.......
but then........ there we go again! another heated argument and again about
the same subject, which is a tuning that this person likes so much that a
debate always has to - and must - end in favor of that very same person, who
uses sharp defensive language, and in this case mostly accuses 'the other'
of being wrong, being aggressive, and being mistaken.

>From my point of view the argument is not at all about the subject it all
started with (I am now talking about a different tuning, different from ET).
How could we get into a heated argument about a different tuning? It is only
highly recommendable that - anyone - does research in order to expand
his/her knowledge in regard to for instance his/her profession (or for any
other reason, as knowledge is the key to wisdom).

I therefor have come to the conclusion that there must be something wrong
with the psyche of this person because our e-mail history shows a recurring
pattern of arguments, irritations, fights, and finally insults and all these
have to do with the same person and the very same subject : a different
tuning, being 'supposedly' under attack.

I am not a shrink, but after all those years of fiery and displeasing e-mail
fights with the same person, always in the middle, we can not deny that
something must be wrong here with this one person.
I have been a subscriber to this list for a long time (sometimes on and
off), so I do have some e-mail knowledge of the personalities involved in
this group. I am more than convinced that most, if not all, are hard working
and pleasant technicians, given the fact that they take an active and
positive part on the list, and as a professional in the field.
I am more than convinced that nobody is 'out for your blood' because you are
so happy with that special tuning.
On the other hand, this is a public forum for piano techs so it is
unavoidable that discussions arise, that is the nature of this forum: to
discuss piano technical related issues.

I therefor would like to give some humble advice......
Ask yourself this :
why do I have to defend myself so often on this list?
Why do I spend hours on writing e-mail letters in which I tell others that
they are wrong, that they are mean, that they know nothing about it all,
that it is time they should fade out and come back when they have reached my
level or altitude?

When we ponder enough, and long enough, on these questions it might be, no
it - IS - possible to acquire at least some self-knowledge.
Through self-knowledge, we have the ability to rise a little above
ourselves. When we rise a little above ourselves, we get a broader view, we
see ourselves more clear and distinct, and, we can also see others at the
same time in connection and relation to ourselves.
I myself make many many mistakes all the time, but if I am not able to
recognize my own patterns how could I ever learn from my errors?

Lastly....
I am nobody's adversary. I wish to be friends with everyone and it would be
nice to be able to discuss piano technical related issues here in a normal
manner, without irritations and hurtful misunderstandings.

friendly greetings
from

Antares,

Amsterdam, Holland

"where music is, no harm can be"

visit my website at :  http://www.concertpianoservice.nl/